How well can we really understand another person?

I’ve always had an incurable curiosity about people, constantly being fascinated by individual personalities, how we grow and evolve throughout our lives, and how much the perspective we have of the world defines us. Those of us that are readers, writers, filmmakers, storytellers, etc. are constantly thinking about these things from the standpoint of fictional characters. Having a deep understanding of people and characters is something that all truly great story tellers seem to share.

But if we move away from the world of fiction, and think about the real people we actually know, especially those who are closest to us, how well can we really understand each other? Personally, I think, that for even the best judges of human nature among us, the answer is not very well at all. People are complicated.

In most of our relationships we often only get to know one version of someone. We only know who they are when they are with us. There are so many other versions of them, in different times, in different places, with different people, that we will never know. We are also hindered in our ability to truly understand another person, by the fact that we tend to see them how we want them to be. It’s human nature. We are especially prone to do this in romantic relationships. I like the line in the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert where she says, “In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.” It’s so true that we tend to create roles for people to play in our lives, and this ultimately limits our ability to understand who they truly are. Perhaps this is why we sometimes feel like certain strangers can see us more clearly than some of the people we have known for years.

Another reason that understanding one other is so difficult is because people are always changing. People are constantly growing and evolving, sometimes gradually over time, and sometimes much more suddenly than we might think. It is often impossible for us to understand what is happening deep inside someone, and how that is impacting who they are, and who they will become.

One might say, if we can never really get to know each other, than what’s the point of even trying to get close to someone? But we must not forget that we don’t need to completely understand someone in order to love them, or be happy with them, or learn from them, or help them. Sometimes the best thing things in life, and in love, come when we learn to embrace the mystery. Maybe it’s okay to accept what we can’t understand and allow people to surprise us. But the curious mind asks...and THAT is never a bad thing.

The log cabin and the rock

There lived an old couple in a log cabin that they had built in their young years for them to live in at the border of the snow line. They had moved there after living a healthy, happy and successful life. Now, they lived alone as the man servant had died last year and his wife the year before. They had given up the luxurious life they lived for simple things in life. No electronic items and relied on nature for most of their daily needs. Once a month the man would go down the treacherous trek to the city for their supplies. They had water from the flowing stream nearby and in the winter, sun would melt enough snow in the day time for their needs. They were happy living their lives in solitude with little worries, remembering the good times they had together. It was the simple life they had always dreamed of...
It was winter time and although it was a mountaineering trek, winter kept away the best of the climbers. Their water needs were met by the melting snow on the roof during the day time which emptied through the gutter into a barrel and an underground tank. The cabin was by the mountain side, just off a cliff. Many climbers stopped by on the way to climb the face of the mountain and the old couple hosted them well. Often letting them sleep the night in the guest room.
This winter seemed unusually unforgiving. They had already consumed more than the usual firewood and it was still just December. One day the lady found that there was a splashing sound outside the dining room window. They went out to notice that the gutter had a leak in it and it was just before it emptied into the tank below. Most of the water was being wasted into the dirty snow on the ground and the tank was not being filled. They tried to fill pots with the water so as to save some water. Still they could not fill all the pots in the kitchen as they were exhausted from all the effort.
As they sat on the couch, he holding her hands, they remembered how, inspite of all the forces against them, from her family and friends to the distances between them, they were together today. They knew they will be delivered from this too. The problem was that they did not see a way out. In his young days, he was quite the handy man...he built most of the cabin himself. But now he could not climb up the ladder to fix the gutter. They waited on their, hoping and thinking of a way of deliverance from their predicament. She walked to the window to the front of the hoise, hoping to see a young climber who would surely help them out, for she wanted more life with her soulmate...or maybe she was contemplating something? She could not see in the glare of the snow or was it tears in her eyes. He was standing behind her...she didn't notice...he did and he wiped off the tear off her eyes and then kissed her. "Angel...we will get by this as we have got by through thick and thin. If by tomorrow there is no solution in sight, I will go down to the town and find a handyman to come fix the gutter." Comforting words, but she had deeper thoughts in her mind. How they always seemed to find some trouble in their lives. He hugged her tight, and she wanted to hide in his arms. She remembered the first time he hugged her 50 years ago...it was such a beautiful day that even the Gods cried (rains).
The day was coming to an end and he cooked for them as she set the table. It was their routine but she had something on her mind...as if going about it in slow motion. He noticed it from the other side of the counter in the kitchen. He was ever so positive as he had always been, and patient. They dated for a good few years before even meeting. But today, he knew that this was indeed something to be looked at urgently. If they didn't fix the gutter soon, they would run out of water in a few days and then there would be even tougher life. He thought maybe they could heat the top layer of the snow which was clean for their drinking needs...but that would burn off the firewood even faster. They had a quiter dinner than usual. There was no wind and the air was still. Seemed like a storm brewing.
It was a storm indeed, a big one. A storm that they had never seen before in all their time up in the cabin. It blew waves after waves of snow onto the hill side, depositing more snow on the roof than usual. They were not sleeping, just listening to the sounds of the cabin. It creaked like an old man's knees. It seemed the weight of the snow would crush down on them. It was a funny way of nature to tell that the end was near. If they survived the storm through the night, they still didn't have a way out fix the gutter. With so much snow, it would now be impossible to teeck the 25 kms to town and get someone to come fix it. Forget about any climbers coming up the trail in this weather.
They didn't sleep and as the hour to leave the bed approached, they were even more restless. The night was gone and the new day that brings hope was coming fast.
The sun rises early in the mountains at 5. But it was still just 7.45 am, 15 minutes from their time to get up. She wanted the night to continue for it meant that when they woke up, life would be again troubling them. He was just there, holding her as usual but visioning why he didn't make the gutters stronger. She left his side and got out of bed, he held her back. He wanted to carry her out today. The way he had done for all those years before his back trouble and she asked not to do it anymore. He just held her hand back and she knew what he was hinting at. She stayed and he got around to her side of the bed. He was a little clumsy but once he had her in her arms, she rested on her shoulders with the familiar ease. He walked to the dining room and put her on the chair. He headed to prepare tea breakfast. She just looked at him. She knew he would not let her know what was on his mind but today, every breath seemed forced for both of them. They had lived through some tough times and now this day, it seemed so small to them.
It was so quite this morning, no voices, no rustling of the trees and no sounds of the creaking old cabin....but wait isn't it a little too quite?
She stood up and walked to the window, he thought she was going to look for some climbers, but she was looking for the leak from the gutter. It had dripped on to the rock all of  yesterday but not today. What went wrong, or was the snow not melting at all? When he saw her peering to the roof, he came to her side, indeed no water from the gutter. They stepped out to see what was happening and even before the last step off the porch of the cabin, they realised that the tube from the gutter was making that familiar sound of filling the water tank. They were bewildered at what could have happened? They looked around if there was anyone who fixed the leak. He pointed out then...look...the hole in the gutter is not leaking. There was a rock stuck in the leak. Someone must have heard their prayers. The rock must have been on the roof all along,and when the storm hit, it must have been knocked into the gutter. She was smiling and he kissed her. She knew world works in amazing ways and this was a miracle that happened today.
You may not know but the solution to a problem may already be with you, you don't see it, that's all. Even a storm can solve your problems, make you see things in a different perspective, make sure you step out and look what it gave you...even if it is a rock.

Love & it's ways.

I always lived my life one day at a time, I always thought that I am in this life to make a difference. I never knew I was born to make a difference to just one person and be so head over heels in love with her. She showed me that I can love, that I could let my whole self go to her; give my heart to her and she will hold me together, all my life.
All through my life I lost near and dear ones, any and everyone I held close left me, if I held strongly, they left quicker. So I came to people delicately. Not so tight that they feel suffocated. so that they will not leave. I made myself self dependent. I never discussed my feelings with anyone. Some things I didn't have the courage to say to myself even.
Then, she came along, like a storm of rain after a drought of decades. She showed me how encompassing love can be and I gave myself up to her fully. I expressed my deepest emotions, buried away to her. Feelings I never thought I had in me. I felt loved and I love her with all my might. I didn't realise that I held her delicately and not close enough to my heart that I should, for she is mine. I will never let her go and always hold her close in my heart. She has my heart and I breath her breath, even though we have never met, we will always be soulmates. When ever we meet, tomorrow or next month or next year, we will be together forever.
I try and give her all I can and all that she needs. Sometimes I feel I am not able to, but I still try. For some time now I could hear in her in her voice that I need to hold her and fight for her, even with herself. The fool that I am, I thought she wanted to go away. But I know, she needs love and love is the only way she will be mine forever. If I have to make efforts that she may say are not needed, I still will.
It's amazing how you think you know how to love but yet you learn new ways to love everyday. I will always love her and only her, and together we will discover new ways to love, layers that it has, and how to love each other more everyday.
I love you Tia, only you!
Jatin

God Exists!

Once a contingent of Indian soldiers were travelling on foot to a remote location in Laddakh to relieve a company which had served its time They chanced upon what looked like tea shop but it was closed It was on a mountain strech that had no other settlement anywhere and the owner had locked it up and went away. The major gave the order to rest as they had been walking for 3 hours on the mountainous strech. The soldiers suggested a cup of tea would be nice but they didn't see if the owner could be around. But a cup of tea would be really Finally after a lot moral dilemma, he gave the order to break open the lock and make tea for 25 odd service men. nice in this chilly weather. They had a few biscuits as well. Finally before moving out, major left a 1000 rupess note under the sugar bowl and left. After serving their time on the post, the same company was on the way back after 3 months. They saw the tea stall open and stopped to have tea. Usual conversations flew...how they will be safe in the barracks and some would get leave to visit their families too. While having a conversation with th tea owner one of them said...you say a lot about God and you say you are very devout. Where is this god when our friends die from enemy fire? Show me proof of God? He said: No saheb...God exists. I have seen it. After much delebration he finally started to tell his story.

He said that a few months ago his son was beaten up by some youths from across border (read militants) who took him to be an army informant. He was injured and the tea stall owner needed money for his medicinea. He had locked up his stall early that day and went to the hospital. He came back next day, hoping to sell some tea on this remote mountain to make enough for his son's treatment. To his despa he saw the lock broken and was almost devastated that his little saving and shop was robbed. But to his surprise, he found a 1000 rupees and was really thankful for the money to God. The major's eyes watered. He silently looked at his men and they knew his silent order. "Not a word!" Each one of us is and can be a God to someone. Never underestimate yourself, no matter how little you can do. You never know how your little kindness may mean the change of world for someone's glum life and make them happy and able to live a life of humility and generosity.