A Salesman with a Heart

A salesman is supposed to cooperate with the management to bring in good sales volume for the company. He is supposed to give feedback of the customer’s reaction to the company’s sales policy. An efficient salesman can get ahead in the company only if he cooperates with his manager and is on his better side. Thinking all these things Saumitra decided to go into his manager, Supriya’s office the next morning. Their romance had ended with the news of her promotion, he thought to himself. But he still could not fully blame himself for their break up. It is best that it ended when it did, because perhaps it would have been too awkward for him that he was out in the field trying to sell soaps, even if it was for a reputed company like HLL, while she was sitting in an air conditioned office pegging on policy issues and ordering him around.

Although it had been 6 months now but he could remember it like yesterday when they were holding hands walking down Love lane, window shopping. Although earlier also she was at the office but, Supriya was always approachable. But now it was different. She was the boss now, and that meant that she was better than he was. Although Saumitra was an open minded guy but he was still not at ease with the concept of his girl earning more than he was. But what had to be done had to be done.

As he entered the office there was definite tension in his head. They had avoided each other since they drifted apart. There was Jayant lost in the computer as usual, and then there was Harsh filling up his coffee. Saumitra kept his ‘soap bag’ (as one intriguing young female customer had called it) at his desk. He took his time arranging the previous day’s orders into the respected files. Then went to grab some coffee, the only addictive substance allowed in the office, was what he had always thought of it.

As he knocked the stained glass door he didn’t know where to begin. But he knew he couldn’t take it anymore. There was no reply from the other side. He went ahead and pecked his head inside. She had not arrived yet.

Damn! He cursed. I was so ready to let her have a piece of my mind and now I’ll have to wait till Monday.

He went to his desk and walked out with his things. It was still an hour before the market opened up but he couldn’t wait there. I would explode if I stayed here, thought Saumitra. He went straight to his favourite place by the river side, on the embankment. As he watched the spring air ruffle up the trees at a distance he remembered how he had brought Supriya here and she had proclaimed ‘his place’ as ‘our place’. But he didn’t let that bother him. Saumitra tried to enjoy that something that he always found soothing here whenever he was upset.

An hour and half later he was trying to pursue Mr. Suraj, a whole seller in a grim ally in Maulviganj, to order 10,000 units as the company’s new scheme would give him 1 extra bar for every 100 if the order was for more than 10,000 units. He argued with great skill battering down every query of this 50 year old man choking on a pack of cigarettes one after the other. The smoke had always bothered him but he had learned to live with it as part of a field job.

With his bag by his side and an order for 25,000 units in it he went off to his next destination in Niralanagar.

It was a better locality and office but not a better customer. He was back to his old lines, learned like his name and revised about an hour ago.

The day went by with Saumitra hopping from one corner of city to another. When he went back to the office around 6, he half expected to see Supriya there. Yet there she was making some coffee for herself. Everybody else in the office seemed to have taken off to an early weekend for the Indo-Pak match was on the next morning.

Supriya didn’t avoid eye contact with him. Even if she was still angry with him she did not want to show it to Saumitra. After all he looked tired and this was the last thing he needed. Yes that was Supriya, always thinking about others even if they didn’t think as much about her, thought Saumitra to himself. He went to his desk and started filing his orders quickly for he did not want to miss this opportunity to have an open talk with her. Even in the scuffle he noticed that he had lapped up more orders than his usual days. In fact it was more than anyone had ever done in a single day at the office. The previous record stood at 1 lac units. He had easily surpassed it.

Fifteen minutes later he was knocking at the door again like the morning. “Come in!” said the Supriya, with the same subtle neutral voice that had enchanted him in the first place.

Saumitra pushed the door and entered, without hesitation this time. She was busy drafting a letter and as she noticed him she quickly put it aside to put all her attention on him.

“I...a.” he hesitated as he wondered where to begin.

“I don’t like what is happening to me in this company” he finally managed. “I have been at the same place I started at more than a year ago and my work load is increased every day without the slightest concern for how much business I bring to this company. And the pay hasn’t been the compensating enough either.” “Relax Saumitra.” said Supriya, “You don’t need to yell.” His voice had gained pitch as his anger and frustration was finally coming out.

“I think I am doing a good job here,” he said talking with a sigh. “And I don’t understand why you keep pushing more work my way. I think we made it clear that it won’t affect our work when…” he shivered to a halt. He couldn’t even put to words what was paining him.

“And besides,” he finally managed after a 10 second pause. “The policies that you make are harder to sell against the competition. A rethink of the marketing policy is in order.”

“You are always going against my decisions.” Supriya said without much contention to his remarks.

“When will you realise that I am also a person and I must do my job too. After all I was not the one to have turned my back on someone.” Saumitra was now about to loose it. How could she blame him for them drifting away?

But before he could think too much about it she continued “Besides I am resigning! You can take up the matter with who ever takes up my place.” Saumitra had a blank face now. He did not want to continue in the awkward place that they were in at the office but he still did not want Supriya to leave.

“Why?” was all he could manage in the spur.

“I don’t have the time for this job and I am going to be at home for most of the time now.” Supriya was still telling him everything about her as she used to when they were together.

“Why?” Saumitra said again, this time with some thought behind it.

“I have leukaemia and…” there were tears in her eyes.

Saumitra could only stare at her face with an open mouth.

“That is why I went away” continued Supriya, tears rolling down her cheeks. “from you as I did not want to see you in pain too.”

Saumitra took charge of his body and stepped forward to where she was standing, wiped the tears off her cheek and said – “How many times should I tell you, you should never waste these for anyone, they are too precious.”

How well can we really understand another person?

I’ve always had an incurable curiosity about people, constantly being fascinated by individual personalities, how we grow and evolve throughout our lives, and how much the perspective we have of the world defines us. Those of us that are readers, writers, filmmakers, storytellers, etc. are constantly thinking about these things from the standpoint of fictional characters. Having a deep understanding of people and characters is something that all truly great story tellers seem to share.

But if we move away from the world of fiction, and think about the real people we actually know, especially those who are closest to us, how well can we really understand each other? Personally, I think, that for even the best judges of human nature among us, the answer is not very well at all. People are complicated.

In most of our relationships we often only get to know one version of someone. We only know who they are when they are with us. There are so many other versions of them, in different times, in different places, with different people, that we will never know. We are also hindered in our ability to truly understand another person, by the fact that we tend to see them how we want them to be. It’s human nature. We are especially prone to do this in romantic relationships. I like the line in the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert where she says, “In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.” It’s so true that we tend to create roles for people to play in our lives, and this ultimately limits our ability to understand who they truly are. Perhaps this is why we sometimes feel like certain strangers can see us more clearly than some of the people we have known for years.

Another reason that understanding one other is so difficult is because people are always changing. People are constantly growing and evolving, sometimes gradually over time, and sometimes much more suddenly than we might think. It is often impossible for us to understand what is happening deep inside someone, and how that is impacting who they are, and who they will become.

One might say, if we can never really get to know each other, than what’s the point of even trying to get close to someone? But we must not forget that we don’t need to completely understand someone in order to love them, or be happy with them, or learn from them, or help them. Sometimes the best thing things in life, and in love, come when we learn to embrace the mystery. Maybe it’s okay to accept what we can’t understand and allow people to surprise us. But the curious mind asks...and THAT is never a bad thing.

The log cabin and the rock

There lived an old couple in a log cabin that they had built in their young years for them to live in at the border of the snow line. They had moved there after living a healthy, happy and successful life. Now, they lived alone as the man servant had died last year and his wife the year before. They had given up the luxurious life they lived for simple things in life. No electronic items and relied on nature for most of their daily needs. Once a month the man would go down the treacherous trek to the city for their supplies. They had water from the flowing stream nearby and in the winter, sun would melt enough snow in the day time for their needs. They were happy living their lives in solitude with little worries, remembering the good times they had together. It was the simple life they had always dreamed of...
It was winter time and although it was a mountaineering trek, winter kept away the best of the climbers. Their water needs were met by the melting snow on the roof during the day time which emptied through the gutter into a barrel and an underground tank. The cabin was by the mountain side, just off a cliff. Many climbers stopped by on the way to climb the face of the mountain and the old couple hosted them well. Often letting them sleep the night in the guest room.
This winter seemed unusually unforgiving. They had already consumed more than the usual firewood and it was still just December. One day the lady found that there was a splashing sound outside the dining room window. They went out to notice that the gutter had a leak in it and it was just before it emptied into the tank below. Most of the water was being wasted into the dirty snow on the ground and the tank was not being filled. They tried to fill pots with the water so as to save some water. Still they could not fill all the pots in the kitchen as they were exhausted from all the effort.
As they sat on the couch, he holding her hands, they remembered how, inspite of all the forces against them, from her family and friends to the distances between them, they were together today. They knew they will be delivered from this too. The problem was that they did not see a way out. In his young days, he was quite the handy man...he built most of the cabin himself. But now he could not climb up the ladder to fix the gutter. They waited on their, hoping and thinking of a way of deliverance from their predicament. She walked to the window to the front of the hoise, hoping to see a young climber who would surely help them out, for she wanted more life with her soulmate...or maybe she was contemplating something? She could not see in the glare of the snow or was it tears in her eyes. He was standing behind her...she didn't notice...he did and he wiped off the tear off her eyes and then kissed her. "Angel...we will get by this as we have got by through thick and thin. If by tomorrow there is no solution in sight, I will go down to the town and find a handyman to come fix the gutter." Comforting words, but she had deeper thoughts in her mind. How they always seemed to find some trouble in their lives. He hugged her tight, and she wanted to hide in his arms. She remembered the first time he hugged her 50 years ago...it was such a beautiful day that even the Gods cried (rains).
The day was coming to an end and he cooked for them as she set the table. It was their routine but she had something on her mind...as if going about it in slow motion. He noticed it from the other side of the counter in the kitchen. He was ever so positive as he had always been, and patient. They dated for a good few years before even meeting. But today, he knew that this was indeed something to be looked at urgently. If they didn't fix the gutter soon, they would run out of water in a few days and then there would be even tougher life. He thought maybe they could heat the top layer of the snow which was clean for their drinking needs...but that would burn off the firewood even faster. They had a quiter dinner than usual. There was no wind and the air was still. Seemed like a storm brewing.
It was a storm indeed, a big one. A storm that they had never seen before in all their time up in the cabin. It blew waves after waves of snow onto the hill side, depositing more snow on the roof than usual. They were not sleeping, just listening to the sounds of the cabin. It creaked like an old man's knees. It seemed the weight of the snow would crush down on them. It was a funny way of nature to tell that the end was near. If they survived the storm through the night, they still didn't have a way out fix the gutter. With so much snow, it would now be impossible to teeck the 25 kms to town and get someone to come fix it. Forget about any climbers coming up the trail in this weather.
They didn't sleep and as the hour to leave the bed approached, they were even more restless. The night was gone and the new day that brings hope was coming fast.
The sun rises early in the mountains at 5. But it was still just 7.45 am, 15 minutes from their time to get up. She wanted the night to continue for it meant that when they woke up, life would be again troubling them. He was just there, holding her as usual but visioning why he didn't make the gutters stronger. She left his side and got out of bed, he held her back. He wanted to carry her out today. The way he had done for all those years before his back trouble and she asked not to do it anymore. He just held her hand back and she knew what he was hinting at. She stayed and he got around to her side of the bed. He was a little clumsy but once he had her in her arms, she rested on her shoulders with the familiar ease. He walked to the dining room and put her on the chair. He headed to prepare tea breakfast. She just looked at him. She knew he would not let her know what was on his mind but today, every breath seemed forced for both of them. They had lived through some tough times and now this day, it seemed so small to them.
It was so quite this morning, no voices, no rustling of the trees and no sounds of the creaking old cabin....but wait isn't it a little too quite?
She stood up and walked to the window, he thought she was going to look for some climbers, but she was looking for the leak from the gutter. It had dripped on to the rock all of  yesterday but not today. What went wrong, or was the snow not melting at all? When he saw her peering to the roof, he came to her side, indeed no water from the gutter. They stepped out to see what was happening and even before the last step off the porch of the cabin, they realised that the tube from the gutter was making that familiar sound of filling the water tank. They were bewildered at what could have happened? They looked around if there was anyone who fixed the leak. He pointed out then...look...the hole in the gutter is not leaking. There was a rock stuck in the leak. Someone must have heard their prayers. The rock must have been on the roof all along,and when the storm hit, it must have been knocked into the gutter. She was smiling and he kissed her. She knew world works in amazing ways and this was a miracle that happened today.
You may not know but the solution to a problem may already be with you, you don't see it, that's all. Even a storm can solve your problems, make you see things in a different perspective, make sure you step out and look what it gave you...even if it is a rock.

Love & it's ways.

I always lived my life one day at a time, I always thought that I am in this life to make a difference. I never knew I was born to make a difference to just one person and be so head over heels in love with her. She showed me that I can love, that I could let my whole self go to her; give my heart to her and she will hold me together, all my life.
All through my life I lost near and dear ones, any and everyone I held close left me, if I held strongly, they left quicker. So I came to people delicately. Not so tight that they feel suffocated. so that they will not leave. I made myself self dependent. I never discussed my feelings with anyone. Some things I didn't have the courage to say to myself even.
Then, she came along, like a storm of rain after a drought of decades. She showed me how encompassing love can be and I gave myself up to her fully. I expressed my deepest emotions, buried away to her. Feelings I never thought I had in me. I felt loved and I love her with all my might. I didn't realise that I held her delicately and not close enough to my heart that I should, for she is mine. I will never let her go and always hold her close in my heart. She has my heart and I breath her breath, even though we have never met, we will always be soulmates. When ever we meet, tomorrow or next month or next year, we will be together forever.
I try and give her all I can and all that she needs. Sometimes I feel I am not able to, but I still try. For some time now I could hear in her in her voice that I need to hold her and fight for her, even with herself. The fool that I am, I thought she wanted to go away. But I know, she needs love and love is the only way she will be mine forever. If I have to make efforts that she may say are not needed, I still will.
It's amazing how you think you know how to love but yet you learn new ways to love everyday. I will always love her and only her, and together we will discover new ways to love, layers that it has, and how to love each other more everyday.
I love you Tia, only you!
Jatin

God Exists!

Once a contingent of Indian soldiers were travelling on foot to a remote location in Laddakh to relieve a company which had served its time They chanced upon what looked like tea shop but it was closed It was on a mountain strech that had no other settlement anywhere and the owner had locked it up and went away. The major gave the order to rest as they had been walking for 3 hours on the mountainous strech. The soldiers suggested a cup of tea would be nice but they didn't see if the owner could be around. But a cup of tea would be really Finally after a lot moral dilemma, he gave the order to break open the lock and make tea for 25 odd service men. nice in this chilly weather. They had a few biscuits as well. Finally before moving out, major left a 1000 rupess note under the sugar bowl and left. After serving their time on the post, the same company was on the way back after 3 months. They saw the tea stall open and stopped to have tea. Usual conversations flew...how they will be safe in the barracks and some would get leave to visit their families too. While having a conversation with th tea owner one of them said...you say a lot about God and you say you are very devout. Where is this god when our friends die from enemy fire? Show me proof of God? He said: No saheb...God exists. I have seen it. After much delebration he finally started to tell his story.

He said that a few months ago his son was beaten up by some youths from across border (read militants) who took him to be an army informant. He was injured and the tea stall owner needed money for his medicinea. He had locked up his stall early that day and went to the hospital. He came back next day, hoping to sell some tea on this remote mountain to make enough for his son's treatment. To his despa he saw the lock broken and was almost devastated that his little saving and shop was robbed. But to his surprise, he found a 1000 rupees and was really thankful for the money to God. The major's eyes watered. He silently looked at his men and they knew his silent order. "Not a word!" Each one of us is and can be a God to someone. Never underestimate yourself, no matter how little you can do. You never know how your little kindness may mean the change of world for someone's glum life and make them happy and able to live a life of humility and generosity.

Fighting for Jo(e)y

The sky is so vast and it keeps moving, even when the things here on earth keep moving and changing. As I got down under the big blue sky, I only saw her, and that is what she meant to me, my whole world. After I proposed, and she was quite, it was all I could do to think about silly odd things to break the silence in my head than contemplate what could be her answer. Even though it may have been only about 20 seconds before she said yes, I am sure the cosmos changed in those 20 seconds. We would be together in our life. Jayeeta was the right girl for me, I had known ever since I interacted with her at the fresher’s party in college. We had been together 6yrs now, 3 in the college, and 3 at the job. Although we worked in the same city, away from home, we did to not live together. I guess it was just never an issue then.  You may ask why we did not get married right away after college. Well, in India, when you have an elder sibling, you have to be part of the same line for marriage, which you came in this world.  So, it was good that we got our time to go out actually. In college it was mostly hanging at or behind the cafeteria.

Jayeeta is a smart girl. In fact she is the first girl I actually saw reading the editorial page of an English newspaper. No matter how modern Indian girls become, they are still for Hindi soap operas than deeper thinking but not Joey. The best part was that, even though she had her satirical side, she still fell for silly jokes that I or anyone else threw at her. One time, I remember we went to a picnic spot with friends. It was such fun, to dance and play around in the September humidity. She actually felt sad when someone said that they lost their puppy without realizing that it was a zinger in Hindi for his girlfriend (puppy means a kiss in Hindi).

It was not all song and dance for us though. We talked at home after my brother got married and I was the next in line. Her parents were agreeing, my parents were a little reluctant at first. But they got onboard and we had a small ring ceremony at home. Before we could set a date for the marriage, I got an overseas assignment for 6 months and I had to leave in a week. At Finland, I was in a different world. It was a like I belonged to the life style there. The work, the party scene, the natural beauty et al. We kept in touch through internet chats and a few calls in the week. I failed to realize that what we had managed back home was no small feat. As the news of my engagement spread to the relatives, they started their usual bickering that comes along in an inter-cast wedding in India even today. It was on my weekend call at home that Mom said told me. Dad is not happy about bringing a “baniya bahu” home. The root of the matter was one uncle who cited a very sad experience from some god forsaken land. I lost my weekend to the numerous calls home to dad, my sister and mom. I did talk to Joey but it felt like blasphemy when my father was against our union. I told them that I am not letting you make any decisions until I am back in India.

After 2 months of “blasphemy” and checking up on Mom & Dad through my sister mostly, I landed back in Mumbai. Joey of course was at the gates to receive me. I felt like a soldier coming home, fighting a battle in the international waters. I was. Just that the battle raged on at home and not on the high seas. After spending quiet few days at my PG in Mumbai, I went home to confront the inevitable. My father welcomed me with a hug as did Mom. At home it was the usual. They did not want to say anything from the word go, but I could feel the tension inside me churning the space between us even in the same room. Finally, I said to Dad, “Papa, when should we fix the date, I was thinking December.” That let the fox in the chicken hole. What followed was rattling of stories from relatives, friends and even newspapers where boys married for love and ended up paying for divorce with the money, imprisonment and jail. What they failed to realize was that both our families were well to do, upper middle class families; which was primarily my argument. The culture difference was not my point to defend. I firmly believe that culture is a mix of beliefs and not an individual thing. Thus, the battle went on for 5 days, with intermittent laughter of friends and the temple visits among the Navratri celebrations. Finally on the day of Dusshera my dad conceded. It was like the victory of good over evil as symbolized since ancient times, on that day. I felt like Ram did; a killer of a very learned and wise man’s instincts. Yet, I was happy as I could get on with my life with my family and my Joey.

It will be 2 yrs this December since we got married, we both want a girl, but we will have to wait another 2 months to find out. 

Death of the social order

The way life is going it could be another 30 years before I can figure out anything more with any degree of certainty than what I have in the first 30 yrs of my life. I have loved, lost loved ones and lived a life which is ordinary by many standards, but not mine. I still remember my mother taking me to school for the first time. The memory is as fresh as my 30th birthday celebrations last night. So many birthdays have come and gone in between but I still find myself as clueless about life as the day I went to school in my mother's arms. I was not scared then, but I am not scared now. Then what is it that is lacking? 

I came to Delhi when taking the transfer from the local office to the zonal head quarter in Gurgaon, 5years ago. It was the promise of opportunity that the news spelled. Living in a metro, working hard to build a career and yes..Independence. My parents never let me feel less privileged or treat me any different from my younger brother. But even he had come of age into playing the big brotherly/fatherly role to me. I on the other hand am still confused. I fell in love in college and when it ended, college, not the love, I thought we would be working together and marry soon. But no matter what people say, long distance is never really a great thing for relationships. So, even as he moved into another company the city seemed so big now to even manage a meeting a week. Yes, it was not the long distance, but the commitment that waded away, giving way to the routine of work and the charm of an office party in the evening (for me). 

I remember how I moved from a marketing and management role in the Jaipur office to a creative consultant's role in the "ZO". Someone said ZO and I had thought they are discussing shampoo components - that was my first week in office. Now it was my "ZO". The part when I moved into a rented PG was exciting. Even though they had time restrictions at the place, we still jumped the gate one too many times. We made such great friends there that lack of sleep was never a concern, spending the wee hours over masala tea with Upasna and Neha (the neighbor) were an absolute delight. We were doing well in their respective careers and so we decided to rent our own place so we can be on our own without spelling about how Upi jumped the gate tonight. I missed the excitement of rushing home but that made up for going for a 11pm show to the multiplex. But this was short lived. Upasna's boyfriend popped the question on their 1st anniversary and she got married within 3 months of us moving into the flat. Even though I am a social person at heart but I didn't want to find another roommate. I decided to afford the place on my own and stay. Today, my maid meant my home to me. I had another relationship last year, it was the photographer for one of the photo shoots I had. I was single and not really looking for a relationship. I was happy indulging myself in spas or movie DVDs over a carton of ice cream. But somehow Ahmad had that charm. In his mid 30s he was charming and well built too. Even the shoot was over, I found myself calling him on my way home from office. When it turned into a regular thing, I didn't know. He was single, like most photographers I have come across are, but it was Ahmed; not someone. We started going out on dinners and how the relationship developed into a romance, I never remember. I lost my innocence to him. That is polite way to say I lost my virginity to him. I was in love, again and never cared to think ahead. How religion was still an issue in my (read my parents) life when it came  to marriage. I was saved the dreaded discussion though. Ahmad got an overseas assignment and moved to Singapore for an year with Vogue and I didn't want the pain and wonder of another long distance relationship. We decided to call it quits. I never discussed marriage with him or the issue of inter religion marriage with my parents. I guess it is a closet secret I am sharing with you here.

For 6 months, everytime Ahmad would come visiting, we met for dinner, and ended up at breakfast together. Even though we were not in a relationship, but I could not resist him. I decided to go back to my indulging phase and stop answering his calls. The best part was, I discovered that as long as there is bollywood churning out movies at its world famous pace, and there is enough cooling technology for ice cream, I can live in solitary confinement. It doesn't mean I still feel the void, of waking up to the warmth of another human being, and coming home to "my" partner in life. It is still there. But my social life, the way I was, an absolute outgoing kind of person. I am not anymore. I still go out with friends and party every week but somehow, I feel dead inside. I have nothing but my work to bury myself in, and even that is getting rare with the second drift of recession. Last one had me around Ahmad, this one doesn't allow me a living anchor.

Ritu Chaudhary

P.S. Much needed pleasant news - Upasana is expecting, and she confessed to me, before Rahul or anyone. Comforting to know some people have their life in order.