The log cabin and the rock

There lived an old couple in a log cabin that they had built in their young years for them to live in at the border of the snow line. They had moved there after living a healthy, happy and successful life. Now, they lived alone as the man servant had died last year and his wife the year before. They had given up the luxurious life they lived for simple things in life. No electronic items and relied on nature for most of their daily needs. Once a month the man would go down the treacherous trek to the city for their supplies. They had water from the flowing stream nearby and in the winter, sun would melt enough snow in the day time for their needs. They were happy living their lives in solitude with little worries, remembering the good times they had together. It was the simple life they had always dreamed of...
It was winter time and although it was a mountaineering trek, winter kept away the best of the climbers. Their water needs were met by the melting snow on the roof during the day time which emptied through the gutter into a barrel and an underground tank. The cabin was by the mountain side, just off a cliff. Many climbers stopped by on the way to climb the face of the mountain and the old couple hosted them well. Often letting them sleep the night in the guest room.
This winter seemed unusually unforgiving. They had already consumed more than the usual firewood and it was still just December. One day the lady found that there was a splashing sound outside the dining room window. They went out to notice that the gutter had a leak in it and it was just before it emptied into the tank below. Most of the water was being wasted into the dirty snow on the ground and the tank was not being filled. They tried to fill pots with the water so as to save some water. Still they could not fill all the pots in the kitchen as they were exhausted from all the effort.
As they sat on the couch, he holding her hands, they remembered how, inspite of all the forces against them, from her family and friends to the distances between them, they were together today. They knew they will be delivered from this too. The problem was that they did not see a way out. In his young days, he was quite the handy man...he built most of the cabin himself. But now he could not climb up the ladder to fix the gutter. They waited on their, hoping and thinking of a way of deliverance from their predicament. She walked to the window to the front of the hoise, hoping to see a young climber who would surely help them out, for she wanted more life with her soulmate...or maybe she was contemplating something? She could not see in the glare of the snow or was it tears in her eyes. He was standing behind her...she didn't notice...he did and he wiped off the tear off her eyes and then kissed her. "Angel...we will get by this as we have got by through thick and thin. If by tomorrow there is no solution in sight, I will go down to the town and find a handyman to come fix the gutter." Comforting words, but she had deeper thoughts in her mind. How they always seemed to find some trouble in their lives. He hugged her tight, and she wanted to hide in his arms. She remembered the first time he hugged her 50 years ago...it was such a beautiful day that even the Gods cried (rains).
The day was coming to an end and he cooked for them as she set the table. It was their routine but she had something on her mind...as if going about it in slow motion. He noticed it from the other side of the counter in the kitchen. He was ever so positive as he had always been, and patient. They dated for a good few years before even meeting. But today, he knew that this was indeed something to be looked at urgently. If they didn't fix the gutter soon, they would run out of water in a few days and then there would be even tougher life. He thought maybe they could heat the top layer of the snow which was clean for their drinking needs...but that would burn off the firewood even faster. They had a quiter dinner than usual. There was no wind and the air was still. Seemed like a storm brewing.
It was a storm indeed, a big one. A storm that they had never seen before in all their time up in the cabin. It blew waves after waves of snow onto the hill side, depositing more snow on the roof than usual. They were not sleeping, just listening to the sounds of the cabin. It creaked like an old man's knees. It seemed the weight of the snow would crush down on them. It was a funny way of nature to tell that the end was near. If they survived the storm through the night, they still didn't have a way out fix the gutter. With so much snow, it would now be impossible to teeck the 25 kms to town and get someone to come fix it. Forget about any climbers coming up the trail in this weather.
They didn't sleep and as the hour to leave the bed approached, they were even more restless. The night was gone and the new day that brings hope was coming fast.
The sun rises early in the mountains at 5. But it was still just 7.45 am, 15 minutes from their time to get up. She wanted the night to continue for it meant that when they woke up, life would be again troubling them. He was just there, holding her as usual but visioning why he didn't make the gutters stronger. She left his side and got out of bed, he held her back. He wanted to carry her out today. The way he had done for all those years before his back trouble and she asked not to do it anymore. He just held her hand back and she knew what he was hinting at. She stayed and he got around to her side of the bed. He was a little clumsy but once he had her in her arms, she rested on her shoulders with the familiar ease. He walked to the dining room and put her on the chair. He headed to prepare tea breakfast. She just looked at him. She knew he would not let her know what was on his mind but today, every breath seemed forced for both of them. They had lived through some tough times and now this day, it seemed so small to them.
It was so quite this morning, no voices, no rustling of the trees and no sounds of the creaking old cabin....but wait isn't it a little too quite?
She stood up and walked to the window, he thought she was going to look for some climbers, but she was looking for the leak from the gutter. It had dripped on to the rock all of  yesterday but not today. What went wrong, or was the snow not melting at all? When he saw her peering to the roof, he came to her side, indeed no water from the gutter. They stepped out to see what was happening and even before the last step off the porch of the cabin, they realised that the tube from the gutter was making that familiar sound of filling the water tank. They were bewildered at what could have happened? They looked around if there was anyone who fixed the leak. He pointed out then...look...the hole in the gutter is not leaking. There was a rock stuck in the leak. Someone must have heard their prayers. The rock must have been on the roof all along,and when the storm hit, it must have been knocked into the gutter. She was smiling and he kissed her. She knew world works in amazing ways and this was a miracle that happened today.
You may not know but the solution to a problem may already be with you, you don't see it, that's all. Even a storm can solve your problems, make you see things in a different perspective, make sure you step out and look what it gave you...even if it is a rock.

Love & it's ways.

I always lived my life one day at a time, I always thought that I am in this life to make a difference. I never knew I was born to make a difference to just one person and be so head over heels in love with her. She showed me that I can love, that I could let my whole self go to her; give my heart to her and she will hold me together, all my life.
All through my life I lost near and dear ones, any and everyone I held close left me, if I held strongly, they left quicker. So I came to people delicately. Not so tight that they feel suffocated. so that they will not leave. I made myself self dependent. I never discussed my feelings with anyone. Some things I didn't have the courage to say to myself even.
Then, she came along, like a storm of rain after a drought of decades. She showed me how encompassing love can be and I gave myself up to her fully. I expressed my deepest emotions, buried away to her. Feelings I never thought I had in me. I felt loved and I love her with all my might. I didn't realise that I held her delicately and not close enough to my heart that I should, for she is mine. I will never let her go and always hold her close in my heart. She has my heart and I breath her breath, even though we have never met, we will always be soulmates. When ever we meet, tomorrow or next month or next year, we will be together forever.
I try and give her all I can and all that she needs. Sometimes I feel I am not able to, but I still try. For some time now I could hear in her in her voice that I need to hold her and fight for her, even with herself. The fool that I am, I thought she wanted to go away. But I know, she needs love and love is the only way she will be mine forever. If I have to make efforts that she may say are not needed, I still will.
It's amazing how you think you know how to love but yet you learn new ways to love everyday. I will always love her and only her, and together we will discover new ways to love, layers that it has, and how to love each other more everyday.
I love you Tia, only you!
Jatin

God Exists!

Once a contingent of Indian soldiers were travelling on foot to a remote location in Laddakh to relieve a company which had served its time They chanced upon what looked like tea shop but it was closed It was on a mountain strech that had no other settlement anywhere and the owner had locked it up and went away. The major gave the order to rest as they had been walking for 3 hours on the mountainous strech. The soldiers suggested a cup of tea would be nice but they didn't see if the owner could be around. But a cup of tea would be really Finally after a lot moral dilemma, he gave the order to break open the lock and make tea for 25 odd service men. nice in this chilly weather. They had a few biscuits as well. Finally before moving out, major left a 1000 rupess note under the sugar bowl and left. After serving their time on the post, the same company was on the way back after 3 months. They saw the tea stall open and stopped to have tea. Usual conversations flew...how they will be safe in the barracks and some would get leave to visit their families too. While having a conversation with th tea owner one of them said...you say a lot about God and you say you are very devout. Where is this god when our friends die from enemy fire? Show me proof of God? He said: No saheb...God exists. I have seen it. After much delebration he finally started to tell his story.

He said that a few months ago his son was beaten up by some youths from across border (read militants) who took him to be an army informant. He was injured and the tea stall owner needed money for his medicinea. He had locked up his stall early that day and went to the hospital. He came back next day, hoping to sell some tea on this remote mountain to make enough for his son's treatment. To his despa he saw the lock broken and was almost devastated that his little saving and shop was robbed. But to his surprise, he found a 1000 rupees and was really thankful for the money to God. The major's eyes watered. He silently looked at his men and they knew his silent order. "Not a word!" Each one of us is and can be a God to someone. Never underestimate yourself, no matter how little you can do. You never know how your little kindness may mean the change of world for someone's glum life and make them happy and able to live a life of humility and generosity.

Fighting for Jo(e)y

The sky is so vast and it keeps moving, even when the things here on earth keep moving and changing. As I got down under the big blue sky, I only saw her, and that is what she meant to me, my whole world. After I proposed, and she was quite, it was all I could do to think about silly odd things to break the silence in my head than contemplate what could be her answer. Even though it may have been only about 20 seconds before she said yes, I am sure the cosmos changed in those 20 seconds. We would be together in our life. Jayeeta was the right girl for me, I had known ever since I interacted with her at the fresher’s party in college. We had been together 6yrs now, 3 in the college, and 3 at the job. Although we worked in the same city, away from home, we did to not live together. I guess it was just never an issue then.  You may ask why we did not get married right away after college. Well, in India, when you have an elder sibling, you have to be part of the same line for marriage, which you came in this world.  So, it was good that we got our time to go out actually. In college it was mostly hanging at or behind the cafeteria.

Jayeeta is a smart girl. In fact she is the first girl I actually saw reading the editorial page of an English newspaper. No matter how modern Indian girls become, they are still for Hindi soap operas than deeper thinking but not Joey. The best part was that, even though she had her satirical side, she still fell for silly jokes that I or anyone else threw at her. One time, I remember we went to a picnic spot with friends. It was such fun, to dance and play around in the September humidity. She actually felt sad when someone said that they lost their puppy without realizing that it was a zinger in Hindi for his girlfriend (puppy means a kiss in Hindi).

It was not all song and dance for us though. We talked at home after my brother got married and I was the next in line. Her parents were agreeing, my parents were a little reluctant at first. But they got onboard and we had a small ring ceremony at home. Before we could set a date for the marriage, I got an overseas assignment for 6 months and I had to leave in a week. At Finland, I was in a different world. It was a like I belonged to the life style there. The work, the party scene, the natural beauty et al. We kept in touch through internet chats and a few calls in the week. I failed to realize that what we had managed back home was no small feat. As the news of my engagement spread to the relatives, they started their usual bickering that comes along in an inter-cast wedding in India even today. It was on my weekend call at home that Mom said told me. Dad is not happy about bringing a “baniya bahu” home. The root of the matter was one uncle who cited a very sad experience from some god forsaken land. I lost my weekend to the numerous calls home to dad, my sister and mom. I did talk to Joey but it felt like blasphemy when my father was against our union. I told them that I am not letting you make any decisions until I am back in India.

After 2 months of “blasphemy” and checking up on Mom & Dad through my sister mostly, I landed back in Mumbai. Joey of course was at the gates to receive me. I felt like a soldier coming home, fighting a battle in the international waters. I was. Just that the battle raged on at home and not on the high seas. After spending quiet few days at my PG in Mumbai, I went home to confront the inevitable. My father welcomed me with a hug as did Mom. At home it was the usual. They did not want to say anything from the word go, but I could feel the tension inside me churning the space between us even in the same room. Finally, I said to Dad, “Papa, when should we fix the date, I was thinking December.” That let the fox in the chicken hole. What followed was rattling of stories from relatives, friends and even newspapers where boys married for love and ended up paying for divorce with the money, imprisonment and jail. What they failed to realize was that both our families were well to do, upper middle class families; which was primarily my argument. The culture difference was not my point to defend. I firmly believe that culture is a mix of beliefs and not an individual thing. Thus, the battle went on for 5 days, with intermittent laughter of friends and the temple visits among the Navratri celebrations. Finally on the day of Dusshera my dad conceded. It was like the victory of good over evil as symbolized since ancient times, on that day. I felt like Ram did; a killer of a very learned and wise man’s instincts. Yet, I was happy as I could get on with my life with my family and my Joey.

It will be 2 yrs this December since we got married, we both want a girl, but we will have to wait another 2 months to find out. 

Death of the social order

The way life is going it could be another 30 years before I can figure out anything more with any degree of certainty than what I have in the first 30 yrs of my life. I have loved, lost loved ones and lived a life which is ordinary by many standards, but not mine. I still remember my mother taking me to school for the first time. The memory is as fresh as my 30th birthday celebrations last night. So many birthdays have come and gone in between but I still find myself as clueless about life as the day I went to school in my mother's arms. I was not scared then, but I am not scared now. Then what is it that is lacking? 

I came to Delhi when taking the transfer from the local office to the zonal head quarter in Gurgaon, 5years ago. It was the promise of opportunity that the news spelled. Living in a metro, working hard to build a career and yes..Independence. My parents never let me feel less privileged or treat me any different from my younger brother. But even he had come of age into playing the big brotherly/fatherly role to me. I on the other hand am still confused. I fell in love in college and when it ended, college, not the love, I thought we would be working together and marry soon. But no matter what people say, long distance is never really a great thing for relationships. So, even as he moved into another company the city seemed so big now to even manage a meeting a week. Yes, it was not the long distance, but the commitment that waded away, giving way to the routine of work and the charm of an office party in the evening (for me). 

I remember how I moved from a marketing and management role in the Jaipur office to a creative consultant's role in the "ZO". Someone said ZO and I had thought they are discussing shampoo components - that was my first week in office. Now it was my "ZO". The part when I moved into a rented PG was exciting. Even though they had time restrictions at the place, we still jumped the gate one too many times. We made such great friends there that lack of sleep was never a concern, spending the wee hours over masala tea with Upasna and Neha (the neighbor) were an absolute delight. We were doing well in their respective careers and so we decided to rent our own place so we can be on our own without spelling about how Upi jumped the gate tonight. I missed the excitement of rushing home but that made up for going for a 11pm show to the multiplex. But this was short lived. Upasna's boyfriend popped the question on their 1st anniversary and she got married within 3 months of us moving into the flat. Even though I am a social person at heart but I didn't want to find another roommate. I decided to afford the place on my own and stay. Today, my maid meant my home to me. I had another relationship last year, it was the photographer for one of the photo shoots I had. I was single and not really looking for a relationship. I was happy indulging myself in spas or movie DVDs over a carton of ice cream. But somehow Ahmad had that charm. In his mid 30s he was charming and well built too. Even the shoot was over, I found myself calling him on my way home from office. When it turned into a regular thing, I didn't know. He was single, like most photographers I have come across are, but it was Ahmed; not someone. We started going out on dinners and how the relationship developed into a romance, I never remember. I lost my innocence to him. That is polite way to say I lost my virginity to him. I was in love, again and never cared to think ahead. How religion was still an issue in my (read my parents) life when it came  to marriage. I was saved the dreaded discussion though. Ahmad got an overseas assignment and moved to Singapore for an year with Vogue and I didn't want the pain and wonder of another long distance relationship. We decided to call it quits. I never discussed marriage with him or the issue of inter religion marriage with my parents. I guess it is a closet secret I am sharing with you here.

For 6 months, everytime Ahmad would come visiting, we met for dinner, and ended up at breakfast together. Even though we were not in a relationship, but I could not resist him. I decided to go back to my indulging phase and stop answering his calls. The best part was, I discovered that as long as there is bollywood churning out movies at its world famous pace, and there is enough cooling technology for ice cream, I can live in solitary confinement. It doesn't mean I still feel the void, of waking up to the warmth of another human being, and coming home to "my" partner in life. It is still there. But my social life, the way I was, an absolute outgoing kind of person. I am not anymore. I still go out with friends and party every week but somehow, I feel dead inside. I have nothing but my work to bury myself in, and even that is getting rare with the second drift of recession. Last one had me around Ahmad, this one doesn't allow me a living anchor.

Ritu Chaudhary

P.S. Much needed pleasant news - Upasana is expecting, and she confessed to me, before Rahul or anyone. Comforting to know some people have their life in order. 

The heartache story which tells us more about ourself

Crouching in the corner of my bathroom, I pressed my flushed cheeks against the cold tile floor – that way, I couldn’t feel the tears running down my face. When my relationship ended with my first love, there was no empty pint of Haagen-Dazs, there was no girls’ night out to help me forget. There was just me and the gentle hum of the radiator. I had to ask myself, what else was left? At the time, I couldn’t think of anything but a broken heart.

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all,” wrote the poet Alfred Lord Tennyson. Some might say this isn’t true, but I know it has to be. While it sounds just right of a New Age preacher, keeping yourself from love is to keep you from yourself. Relationship experience provides us with the knowledge that comes with being hurt. “Every interaction we have with other people serves as a mirror of what we're carrying inside; when we're involved with a partner, this is simply intensified,” said relationship expert Seth Mullins. “Acknowledging that we're the ones creating our personal experience in the first place is the only way to feel empowered to change that experience.” When people don’t learn from their past, they’re bound to repeat the same mistakes (i.e., different face, same heartache).

“In some ways, my ex was perfect for me, but in others we weren’t so compatible. Both the good and the bad taught me about what I want next time,” relationship blogger Rachel Kramer Bussel told dating site The Frisky. Past relationships can show us our strengths and our weaknesses, and they can guide us toward longer-lasting relationships in the future. Ignoring this opportunity for growth only allows bitterness, anger and depression to endure. Every relationship will teach you something new about yourself and what you’re looking for, Bussel was able to discover what she needed after examining her past. “It’s rare to find someone I can truly let go with,” she said, “but that’s what I want in the future: someone who lets me be me.”

Even though I knew my friends were right when they told me that I’d move on, that things would get better, it was the last thing I wanted to hear during that time. What I would come to realize, is that there’s something about love that makes us forget the pain that happens when it ends. Love doesn’t have to paralyze you, it can empower you. As my favorite philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche would say, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” 

A lost Idea

I walked past the bakery and for the nth time, tried not to notice all the beautiful cakes they have on display. Why are guys supposed to be all macho and not display their affection openly like girls can, I wondered? It was 3 weeks since we last had a word and even though I saw her every morning without fail, I couldn't comprehend what she was going through. Three years of our life down the drain. Even though I decided, due to reasons I only knew, but I still think she was in much more pain than me...I am the guy, I am supposed to be indifferent to pain. Or so I thought. (I realised otherwise later on). 

We met by chance, in the waiting room for a job interview, fresh out of college. And even though, we were gunning for the same opening, we became friends. She got the job. I never said a word about the fact; I got another job n we never discussed about it. We became friends, first by design, then by choice. I always had a soft spot for lost souls, and all my friends told me it was because of her looks and not her disposition that I was friends with her, but I knew the truth. I have never been attracted to someone because of their looks. It ranks very high for most people I know, but then attraction and love are not a physical attribute. I keep confusing and correcting myself...We are...no; I am single now, no more 'we'. It was such a relationship, not because it lasted so long but because I never valued anyone like that before. It was like a normal start off to our relationship. The long, late night calls, the bunking office for a movie. It seems like paradise now. But, as with any relationship, or a friendship, the initial phase is the most exciting. And when you are 23, it happens even faster. We worked around our office and we would always meet up at the nearby Cafe coffee day (CCD as our generation calls it). She would order her mocha or late, me an avid tea lover. It was the beauty of our likes. We had so many things we liked together, yet, we had enough differences to give that spunk, the spice for us to live on.

I can go on and on about how it seemed that we were meant to be together.At least I thought so.. But she...

It was a good 2 years into our relationship and we were discussing something non-consequential...politics. I said I would vote for someone who stood for some agenda I don't even remember anymore and she was against it. It was one of those arguments you have just for the sake of it, so you can enjoy talking to each other. But it was the moment that it struck me. Even though she had always been the diplomatic type, I thought it was for the consequence of a fight she didn't want to have. She was just that sweet. She would go along with my ideas, just so that we won't argue. It was then, that I realised that I want someone who is opinionated than someone like her. I want someone strong in my life, not a conformist. I still stand by that opinion. 

It was a good month, and well after her birthday that I finally confronted her about this. (I didn't want to be the ass who picked a fight, to dump his girlfriend right before her birthday.) All she said was that she would do anything to make me happy. Sounded good at the time, but I would rather be with a person than a foam cushion which adapts to my body size. And when I told her that, she didn't talk to me for a week. Normally I would take it to heart and do whatever I could to make it right by her, but this time, it didn't bother me and I went about my business as usual. Everyday that passed without us talking, I realised that she was just a part of my life and not THE LIFE that I thought she was. It was then that I decided that I should call it off. It was like a bomb for my family, as I am sure it was for her, as they were already planning our wedding in the winter. I told my sisters, and then my mom. I figured that my dad would automatically by informed. In the society that I belong to, father and son are not so comfortable about emotions and feelings. I believe it is true for most part of the world.

I had got her a place in the same locality as mine. Which, for the time we were together was always a plus. She could hangout at my place and stay even, if it got too late, and my parents are accommodating in that way. But once we stopped seeing each other, it was like a game. Every morning I would position my maid, to let me know if she was on her way, so that I could avoid meeting her eye on my way to work. She didn't make any such effort. Girls are strong in moving on I guess. 

What I learned from being in the relationship and in the one year since it ended...its that one can be reliant on a person and hope for the best. We try to measure up the person on some imaginative scale that we have for ourselves. The ideal person we see ourselves spending the life with. We plan things when we think we have met that person in our life. But Life can never be planned. It is the excitement of the unknown

And when you plan weeks and even a month in advance, its the best thing you can do. I ended up using the cake I ordered for my sister's birthday. She stood by my side and always would, no matter if I call her, wish her good morning everyday or not. "To the most important person in my life" said the card on the box, and my sister still thinks it was meant for her; even by default, she still is the most important person of my life.