A Salesman with a Heart

A salesman is supposed to cooperate with the management to bring in good sales volume for the company. He is supposed to give feedback of the customer’s reaction to the company’s sales policy. An efficient salesman can get ahead in the company only if he cooperates with his manager and is on his better side. Thinking all these things Saumitra decided to go into his manager, Supriya’s office the next morning. Their romance had ended with the news of her promotion, he thought to himself. But he still could not fully blame himself for their break up. It is best that it ended when it did, because perhaps it would have been too awkward for him that he was out in the field trying to sell soaps, even if it was for a reputed company like HLL, while she was sitting in an air conditioned office pegging on policy issues and ordering him around.

Although it had been 6 months now but he could remember it like yesterday when they were holding hands walking down Love lane, window shopping. Although earlier also she was at the office but, Supriya was always approachable. But now it was different. She was the boss now, and that meant that she was better than he was. Although Saumitra was an open minded guy but he was still not at ease with the concept of his girl earning more than he was. But what had to be done had to be done.

As he entered the office there was definite tension in his head. They had avoided each other since they drifted apart. There was Jayant lost in the computer as usual, and then there was Harsh filling up his coffee. Saumitra kept his ‘soap bag’ (as one intriguing young female customer had called it) at his desk. He took his time arranging the previous day’s orders into the respected files. Then went to grab some coffee, the only addictive substance allowed in the office, was what he had always thought of it.

As he knocked the stained glass door he didn’t know where to begin. But he knew he couldn’t take it anymore. There was no reply from the other side. He went ahead and pecked his head inside. She had not arrived yet.

Damn! He cursed. I was so ready to let her have a piece of my mind and now I’ll have to wait till Monday.

He went to his desk and walked out with his things. It was still an hour before the market opened up but he couldn’t wait there. I would explode if I stayed here, thought Saumitra. He went straight to his favourite place by the river side, on the embankment. As he watched the spring air ruffle up the trees at a distance he remembered how he had brought Supriya here and she had proclaimed ‘his place’ as ‘our place’. But he didn’t let that bother him. Saumitra tried to enjoy that something that he always found soothing here whenever he was upset.

An hour and half later he was trying to pursue Mr. Suraj, a whole seller in a grim ally in Maulviganj, to order 10,000 units as the company’s new scheme would give him 1 extra bar for every 100 if the order was for more than 10,000 units. He argued with great skill battering down every query of this 50 year old man choking on a pack of cigarettes one after the other. The smoke had always bothered him but he had learned to live with it as part of a field job.

With his bag by his side and an order for 25,000 units in it he went off to his next destination in Niralanagar.

It was a better locality and office but not a better customer. He was back to his old lines, learned like his name and revised about an hour ago.

The day went by with Saumitra hopping from one corner of city to another. When he went back to the office around 6, he half expected to see Supriya there. Yet there she was making some coffee for herself. Everybody else in the office seemed to have taken off to an early weekend for the Indo-Pak match was on the next morning.

Supriya didn’t avoid eye contact with him. Even if she was still angry with him she did not want to show it to Saumitra. After all he looked tired and this was the last thing he needed. Yes that was Supriya, always thinking about others even if they didn’t think as much about her, thought Saumitra to himself. He went to his desk and started filing his orders quickly for he did not want to miss this opportunity to have an open talk with her. Even in the scuffle he noticed that he had lapped up more orders than his usual days. In fact it was more than anyone had ever done in a single day at the office. The previous record stood at 1 lac units. He had easily surpassed it.

Fifteen minutes later he was knocking at the door again like the morning. “Come in!” said the Supriya, with the same subtle neutral voice that had enchanted him in the first place.

Saumitra pushed the door and entered, without hesitation this time. She was busy drafting a letter and as she noticed him she quickly put it aside to put all her attention on him.

“I...a.” he hesitated as he wondered where to begin.

“I don’t like what is happening to me in this company” he finally managed. “I have been at the same place I started at more than a year ago and my work load is increased every day without the slightest concern for how much business I bring to this company. And the pay hasn’t been the compensating enough either.” “Relax Saumitra.” said Supriya, “You don’t need to yell.” His voice had gained pitch as his anger and frustration was finally coming out.

“I think I am doing a good job here,” he said talking with a sigh. “And I don’t understand why you keep pushing more work my way. I think we made it clear that it won’t affect our work when…” he shivered to a halt. He couldn’t even put to words what was paining him.

“And besides,” he finally managed after a 10 second pause. “The policies that you make are harder to sell against the competition. A rethink of the marketing policy is in order.”

“You are always going against my decisions.” Supriya said without much contention to his remarks.

“When will you realise that I am also a person and I must do my job too. After all I was not the one to have turned my back on someone.” Saumitra was now about to loose it. How could she blame him for them drifting away?

But before he could think too much about it she continued “Besides I am resigning! You can take up the matter with who ever takes up my place.” Saumitra had a blank face now. He did not want to continue in the awkward place that they were in at the office but he still did not want Supriya to leave.

“Why?” was all he could manage in the spur.

“I don’t have the time for this job and I am going to be at home for most of the time now.” Supriya was still telling him everything about her as she used to when they were together.

“Why?” Saumitra said again, this time with some thought behind it.

“I have leukaemia and…” there were tears in her eyes.

Saumitra could only stare at her face with an open mouth.

“That is why I went away” continued Supriya, tears rolling down her cheeks. “from you as I did not want to see you in pain too.”

Saumitra took charge of his body and stepped forward to where she was standing, wiped the tears off her cheek and said – “How many times should I tell you, you should never waste these for anyone, they are too precious.”

How well can we really understand another person?

I’ve always had an incurable curiosity about people, constantly being fascinated by individual personalities, how we grow and evolve throughout our lives, and how much the perspective we have of the world defines us. Those of us that are readers, writers, filmmakers, storytellers, etc. are constantly thinking about these things from the standpoint of fictional characters. Having a deep understanding of people and characters is something that all truly great story tellers seem to share.

But if we move away from the world of fiction, and think about the real people we actually know, especially those who are closest to us, how well can we really understand each other? Personally, I think, that for even the best judges of human nature among us, the answer is not very well at all. People are complicated.

In most of our relationships we often only get to know one version of someone. We only know who they are when they are with us. There are so many other versions of them, in different times, in different places, with different people, that we will never know. We are also hindered in our ability to truly understand another person, by the fact that we tend to see them how we want them to be. It’s human nature. We are especially prone to do this in romantic relationships. I like the line in the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert where she says, “In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.” It’s so true that we tend to create roles for people to play in our lives, and this ultimately limits our ability to understand who they truly are. Perhaps this is why we sometimes feel like certain strangers can see us more clearly than some of the people we have known for years.

Another reason that understanding one other is so difficult is because people are always changing. People are constantly growing and evolving, sometimes gradually over time, and sometimes much more suddenly than we might think. It is often impossible for us to understand what is happening deep inside someone, and how that is impacting who they are, and who they will become.

One might say, if we can never really get to know each other, than what’s the point of even trying to get close to someone? But we must not forget that we don’t need to completely understand someone in order to love them, or be happy with them, or learn from them, or help them. Sometimes the best thing things in life, and in love, come when we learn to embrace the mystery. Maybe it’s okay to accept what we can’t understand and allow people to surprise us. But the curious mind asks...and THAT is never a bad thing.

The log cabin and the rock

There lived an old couple in a log cabin that they had built in their young years for them to live in at the border of the snow line. They had moved there after living a healthy, happy and successful life. Now, they lived alone as the man servant had died last year and his wife the year before. They had given up the luxurious life they lived for simple things in life. No electronic items and relied on nature for most of their daily needs. Once a month the man would go down the treacherous trek to the city for their supplies. They had water from the flowing stream nearby and in the winter, sun would melt enough snow in the day time for their needs. They were happy living their lives in solitude with little worries, remembering the good times they had together. It was the simple life they had always dreamed of...
It was winter time and although it was a mountaineering trek, winter kept away the best of the climbers. Their water needs were met by the melting snow on the roof during the day time which emptied through the gutter into a barrel and an underground tank. The cabin was by the mountain side, just off a cliff. Many climbers stopped by on the way to climb the face of the mountain and the old couple hosted them well. Often letting them sleep the night in the guest room.
This winter seemed unusually unforgiving. They had already consumed more than the usual firewood and it was still just December. One day the lady found that there was a splashing sound outside the dining room window. They went out to notice that the gutter had a leak in it and it was just before it emptied into the tank below. Most of the water was being wasted into the dirty snow on the ground and the tank was not being filled. They tried to fill pots with the water so as to save some water. Still they could not fill all the pots in the kitchen as they were exhausted from all the effort.
As they sat on the couch, he holding her hands, they remembered how, inspite of all the forces against them, from her family and friends to the distances between them, they were together today. They knew they will be delivered from this too. The problem was that they did not see a way out. In his young days, he was quite the handy man...he built most of the cabin himself. But now he could not climb up the ladder to fix the gutter. They waited on their, hoping and thinking of a way of deliverance from their predicament. She walked to the window to the front of the hoise, hoping to see a young climber who would surely help them out, for she wanted more life with her soulmate...or maybe she was contemplating something? She could not see in the glare of the snow or was it tears in her eyes. He was standing behind her...she didn't notice...he did and he wiped off the tear off her eyes and then kissed her. "Angel...we will get by this as we have got by through thick and thin. If by tomorrow there is no solution in sight, I will go down to the town and find a handyman to come fix the gutter." Comforting words, but she had deeper thoughts in her mind. How they always seemed to find some trouble in their lives. He hugged her tight, and she wanted to hide in his arms. She remembered the first time he hugged her 50 years ago...it was such a beautiful day that even the Gods cried (rains).
The day was coming to an end and he cooked for them as she set the table. It was their routine but she had something on her mind...as if going about it in slow motion. He noticed it from the other side of the counter in the kitchen. He was ever so positive as he had always been, and patient. They dated for a good few years before even meeting. But today, he knew that this was indeed something to be looked at urgently. If they didn't fix the gutter soon, they would run out of water in a few days and then there would be even tougher life. He thought maybe they could heat the top layer of the snow which was clean for their drinking needs...but that would burn off the firewood even faster. They had a quiter dinner than usual. There was no wind and the air was still. Seemed like a storm brewing.
It was a storm indeed, a big one. A storm that they had never seen before in all their time up in the cabin. It blew waves after waves of snow onto the hill side, depositing more snow on the roof than usual. They were not sleeping, just listening to the sounds of the cabin. It creaked like an old man's knees. It seemed the weight of the snow would crush down on them. It was a funny way of nature to tell that the end was near. If they survived the storm through the night, they still didn't have a way out fix the gutter. With so much snow, it would now be impossible to teeck the 25 kms to town and get someone to come fix it. Forget about any climbers coming up the trail in this weather.
They didn't sleep and as the hour to leave the bed approached, they were even more restless. The night was gone and the new day that brings hope was coming fast.
The sun rises early in the mountains at 5. But it was still just 7.45 am, 15 minutes from their time to get up. She wanted the night to continue for it meant that when they woke up, life would be again troubling them. He was just there, holding her as usual but visioning why he didn't make the gutters stronger. She left his side and got out of bed, he held her back. He wanted to carry her out today. The way he had done for all those years before his back trouble and she asked not to do it anymore. He just held her hand back and she knew what he was hinting at. She stayed and he got around to her side of the bed. He was a little clumsy but once he had her in her arms, she rested on her shoulders with the familiar ease. He walked to the dining room and put her on the chair. He headed to prepare tea breakfast. She just looked at him. She knew he would not let her know what was on his mind but today, every breath seemed forced for both of them. They had lived through some tough times and now this day, it seemed so small to them.
It was so quite this morning, no voices, no rustling of the trees and no sounds of the creaking old cabin....but wait isn't it a little too quite?
She stood up and walked to the window, he thought she was going to look for some climbers, but she was looking for the leak from the gutter. It had dripped on to the rock all of  yesterday but not today. What went wrong, or was the snow not melting at all? When he saw her peering to the roof, he came to her side, indeed no water from the gutter. They stepped out to see what was happening and even before the last step off the porch of the cabin, they realised that the tube from the gutter was making that familiar sound of filling the water tank. They were bewildered at what could have happened? They looked around if there was anyone who fixed the leak. He pointed out then...look...the hole in the gutter is not leaking. There was a rock stuck in the leak. Someone must have heard their prayers. The rock must have been on the roof all along,and when the storm hit, it must have been knocked into the gutter. She was smiling and he kissed her. She knew world works in amazing ways and this was a miracle that happened today.
You may not know but the solution to a problem may already be with you, you don't see it, that's all. Even a storm can solve your problems, make you see things in a different perspective, make sure you step out and look what it gave you...even if it is a rock.

Love & it's ways.

I always lived my life one day at a time, I always thought that I am in this life to make a difference. I never knew I was born to make a difference to just one person and be so head over heels in love with her. She showed me that I can love, that I could let my whole self go to her; give my heart to her and she will hold me together, all my life.
All through my life I lost near and dear ones, any and everyone I held close left me, if I held strongly, they left quicker. So I came to people delicately. Not so tight that they feel suffocated. so that they will not leave. I made myself self dependent. I never discussed my feelings with anyone. Some things I didn't have the courage to say to myself even.
Then, she came along, like a storm of rain after a drought of decades. She showed me how encompassing love can be and I gave myself up to her fully. I expressed my deepest emotions, buried away to her. Feelings I never thought I had in me. I felt loved and I love her with all my might. I didn't realise that I held her delicately and not close enough to my heart that I should, for she is mine. I will never let her go and always hold her close in my heart. She has my heart and I breath her breath, even though we have never met, we will always be soulmates. When ever we meet, tomorrow or next month or next year, we will be together forever.
I try and give her all I can and all that she needs. Sometimes I feel I am not able to, but I still try. For some time now I could hear in her in her voice that I need to hold her and fight for her, even with herself. The fool that I am, I thought she wanted to go away. But I know, she needs love and love is the only way she will be mine forever. If I have to make efforts that she may say are not needed, I still will.
It's amazing how you think you know how to love but yet you learn new ways to love everyday. I will always love her and only her, and together we will discover new ways to love, layers that it has, and how to love each other more everyday.
I love you Tia, only you!
Jatin

God Exists!

Once a contingent of Indian soldiers were travelling on foot to a remote location in Laddakh to relieve a company which had served its time They chanced upon what looked like tea shop but it was closed It was on a mountain strech that had no other settlement anywhere and the owner had locked it up and went away. The major gave the order to rest as they had been walking for 3 hours on the mountainous strech. The soldiers suggested a cup of tea would be nice but they didn't see if the owner could be around. But a cup of tea would be really Finally after a lot moral dilemma, he gave the order to break open the lock and make tea for 25 odd service men. nice in this chilly weather. They had a few biscuits as well. Finally before moving out, major left a 1000 rupess note under the sugar bowl and left. After serving their time on the post, the same company was on the way back after 3 months. They saw the tea stall open and stopped to have tea. Usual conversations flew...how they will be safe in the barracks and some would get leave to visit their families too. While having a conversation with th tea owner one of them said...you say a lot about God and you say you are very devout. Where is this god when our friends die from enemy fire? Show me proof of God? He said: No saheb...God exists. I have seen it. After much delebration he finally started to tell his story.

He said that a few months ago his son was beaten up by some youths from across border (read militants) who took him to be an army informant. He was injured and the tea stall owner needed money for his medicinea. He had locked up his stall early that day and went to the hospital. He came back next day, hoping to sell some tea on this remote mountain to make enough for his son's treatment. To his despa he saw the lock broken and was almost devastated that his little saving and shop was robbed. But to his surprise, he found a 1000 rupees and was really thankful for the money to God. The major's eyes watered. He silently looked at his men and they knew his silent order. "Not a word!" Each one of us is and can be a God to someone. Never underestimate yourself, no matter how little you can do. You never know how your little kindness may mean the change of world for someone's glum life and make them happy and able to live a life of humility and generosity.

Fighting for Jo(e)y

The sky is so vast and it keeps moving, even when the things here on earth keep moving and changing. As I got down under the big blue sky, I only saw her, and that is what she meant to me, my whole world. After I proposed, and she was quite, it was all I could do to think about silly odd things to break the silence in my head than contemplate what could be her answer. Even though it may have been only about 20 seconds before she said yes, I am sure the cosmos changed in those 20 seconds. We would be together in our life. Jayeeta was the right girl for me, I had known ever since I interacted with her at the fresher’s party in college. We had been together 6yrs now, 3 in the college, and 3 at the job. Although we worked in the same city, away from home, we did to not live together. I guess it was just never an issue then.  You may ask why we did not get married right away after college. Well, in India, when you have an elder sibling, you have to be part of the same line for marriage, which you came in this world.  So, it was good that we got our time to go out actually. In college it was mostly hanging at or behind the cafeteria.

Jayeeta is a smart girl. In fact she is the first girl I actually saw reading the editorial page of an English newspaper. No matter how modern Indian girls become, they are still for Hindi soap operas than deeper thinking but not Joey. The best part was that, even though she had her satirical side, she still fell for silly jokes that I or anyone else threw at her. One time, I remember we went to a picnic spot with friends. It was such fun, to dance and play around in the September humidity. She actually felt sad when someone said that they lost their puppy without realizing that it was a zinger in Hindi for his girlfriend (puppy means a kiss in Hindi).

It was not all song and dance for us though. We talked at home after my brother got married and I was the next in line. Her parents were agreeing, my parents were a little reluctant at first. But they got onboard and we had a small ring ceremony at home. Before we could set a date for the marriage, I got an overseas assignment for 6 months and I had to leave in a week. At Finland, I was in a different world. It was a like I belonged to the life style there. The work, the party scene, the natural beauty et al. We kept in touch through internet chats and a few calls in the week. I failed to realize that what we had managed back home was no small feat. As the news of my engagement spread to the relatives, they started their usual bickering that comes along in an inter-cast wedding in India even today. It was on my weekend call at home that Mom said told me. Dad is not happy about bringing a “baniya bahu” home. The root of the matter was one uncle who cited a very sad experience from some god forsaken land. I lost my weekend to the numerous calls home to dad, my sister and mom. I did talk to Joey but it felt like blasphemy when my father was against our union. I told them that I am not letting you make any decisions until I am back in India.

After 2 months of “blasphemy” and checking up on Mom & Dad through my sister mostly, I landed back in Mumbai. Joey of course was at the gates to receive me. I felt like a soldier coming home, fighting a battle in the international waters. I was. Just that the battle raged on at home and not on the high seas. After spending quiet few days at my PG in Mumbai, I went home to confront the inevitable. My father welcomed me with a hug as did Mom. At home it was the usual. They did not want to say anything from the word go, but I could feel the tension inside me churning the space between us even in the same room. Finally, I said to Dad, “Papa, when should we fix the date, I was thinking December.” That let the fox in the chicken hole. What followed was rattling of stories from relatives, friends and even newspapers where boys married for love and ended up paying for divorce with the money, imprisonment and jail. What they failed to realize was that both our families were well to do, upper middle class families; which was primarily my argument. The culture difference was not my point to defend. I firmly believe that culture is a mix of beliefs and not an individual thing. Thus, the battle went on for 5 days, with intermittent laughter of friends and the temple visits among the Navratri celebrations. Finally on the day of Dusshera my dad conceded. It was like the victory of good over evil as symbolized since ancient times, on that day. I felt like Ram did; a killer of a very learned and wise man’s instincts. Yet, I was happy as I could get on with my life with my family and my Joey.

It will be 2 yrs this December since we got married, we both want a girl, but we will have to wait another 2 months to find out. 

Death of the social order

The way life is going it could be another 30 years before I can figure out anything more with any degree of certainty than what I have in the first 30 yrs of my life. I have loved, lost loved ones and lived a life which is ordinary by many standards, but not mine. I still remember my mother taking me to school for the first time. The memory is as fresh as my 30th birthday celebrations last night. So many birthdays have come and gone in between but I still find myself as clueless about life as the day I went to school in my mother's arms. I was not scared then, but I am not scared now. Then what is it that is lacking? 

I came to Delhi when taking the transfer from the local office to the zonal head quarter in Gurgaon, 5years ago. It was the promise of opportunity that the news spelled. Living in a metro, working hard to build a career and yes..Independence. My parents never let me feel less privileged or treat me any different from my younger brother. But even he had come of age into playing the big brotherly/fatherly role to me. I on the other hand am still confused. I fell in love in college and when it ended, college, not the love, I thought we would be working together and marry soon. But no matter what people say, long distance is never really a great thing for relationships. So, even as he moved into another company the city seemed so big now to even manage a meeting a week. Yes, it was not the long distance, but the commitment that waded away, giving way to the routine of work and the charm of an office party in the evening (for me). 

I remember how I moved from a marketing and management role in the Jaipur office to a creative consultant's role in the "ZO". Someone said ZO and I had thought they are discussing shampoo components - that was my first week in office. Now it was my "ZO". The part when I moved into a rented PG was exciting. Even though they had time restrictions at the place, we still jumped the gate one too many times. We made such great friends there that lack of sleep was never a concern, spending the wee hours over masala tea with Upasna and Neha (the neighbor) were an absolute delight. We were doing well in their respective careers and so we decided to rent our own place so we can be on our own without spelling about how Upi jumped the gate tonight. I missed the excitement of rushing home but that made up for going for a 11pm show to the multiplex. But this was short lived. Upasna's boyfriend popped the question on their 1st anniversary and she got married within 3 months of us moving into the flat. Even though I am a social person at heart but I didn't want to find another roommate. I decided to afford the place on my own and stay. Today, my maid meant my home to me. I had another relationship last year, it was the photographer for one of the photo shoots I had. I was single and not really looking for a relationship. I was happy indulging myself in spas or movie DVDs over a carton of ice cream. But somehow Ahmad had that charm. In his mid 30s he was charming and well built too. Even the shoot was over, I found myself calling him on my way home from office. When it turned into a regular thing, I didn't know. He was single, like most photographers I have come across are, but it was Ahmed; not someone. We started going out on dinners and how the relationship developed into a romance, I never remember. I lost my innocence to him. That is polite way to say I lost my virginity to him. I was in love, again and never cared to think ahead. How religion was still an issue in my (read my parents) life when it came  to marriage. I was saved the dreaded discussion though. Ahmad got an overseas assignment and moved to Singapore for an year with Vogue and I didn't want the pain and wonder of another long distance relationship. We decided to call it quits. I never discussed marriage with him or the issue of inter religion marriage with my parents. I guess it is a closet secret I am sharing with you here.

For 6 months, everytime Ahmad would come visiting, we met for dinner, and ended up at breakfast together. Even though we were not in a relationship, but I could not resist him. I decided to go back to my indulging phase and stop answering his calls. The best part was, I discovered that as long as there is bollywood churning out movies at its world famous pace, and there is enough cooling technology for ice cream, I can live in solitary confinement. It doesn't mean I still feel the void, of waking up to the warmth of another human being, and coming home to "my" partner in life. It is still there. But my social life, the way I was, an absolute outgoing kind of person. I am not anymore. I still go out with friends and party every week but somehow, I feel dead inside. I have nothing but my work to bury myself in, and even that is getting rare with the second drift of recession. Last one had me around Ahmad, this one doesn't allow me a living anchor.

Ritu Chaudhary

P.S. Much needed pleasant news - Upasana is expecting, and she confessed to me, before Rahul or anyone. Comforting to know some people have their life in order. 

The heartache story which tells us more about ourself

Crouching in the corner of my bathroom, I pressed my flushed cheeks against the cold tile floor – that way, I couldn’t feel the tears running down my face. When my relationship ended with my first love, there was no empty pint of Haagen-Dazs, there was no girls’ night out to help me forget. There was just me and the gentle hum of the radiator. I had to ask myself, what else was left? At the time, I couldn’t think of anything but a broken heart.

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all,” wrote the poet Alfred Lord Tennyson. Some might say this isn’t true, but I know it has to be. While it sounds just right of a New Age preacher, keeping yourself from love is to keep you from yourself. Relationship experience provides us with the knowledge that comes with being hurt. “Every interaction we have with other people serves as a mirror of what we're carrying inside; when we're involved with a partner, this is simply intensified,” said relationship expert Seth Mullins. “Acknowledging that we're the ones creating our personal experience in the first place is the only way to feel empowered to change that experience.” When people don’t learn from their past, they’re bound to repeat the same mistakes (i.e., different face, same heartache).

“In some ways, my ex was perfect for me, but in others we weren’t so compatible. Both the good and the bad taught me about what I want next time,” relationship blogger Rachel Kramer Bussel told dating site The Frisky. Past relationships can show us our strengths and our weaknesses, and they can guide us toward longer-lasting relationships in the future. Ignoring this opportunity for growth only allows bitterness, anger and depression to endure. Every relationship will teach you something new about yourself and what you’re looking for, Bussel was able to discover what she needed after examining her past. “It’s rare to find someone I can truly let go with,” she said, “but that’s what I want in the future: someone who lets me be me.”

Even though I knew my friends were right when they told me that I’d move on, that things would get better, it was the last thing I wanted to hear during that time. What I would come to realize, is that there’s something about love that makes us forget the pain that happens when it ends. Love doesn’t have to paralyze you, it can empower you. As my favorite philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche would say, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” 

A lost Idea

I walked past the bakery and for the nth time, tried not to notice all the beautiful cakes they have on display. Why are guys supposed to be all macho and not display their affection openly like girls can, I wondered? It was 3 weeks since we last had a word and even though I saw her every morning without fail, I couldn't comprehend what she was going through. Three years of our life down the drain. Even though I decided, due to reasons I only knew, but I still think she was in much more pain than me...I am the guy, I am supposed to be indifferent to pain. Or so I thought. (I realised otherwise later on). 

We met by chance, in the waiting room for a job interview, fresh out of college. And even though, we were gunning for the same opening, we became friends. She got the job. I never said a word about the fact; I got another job n we never discussed about it. We became friends, first by design, then by choice. I always had a soft spot for lost souls, and all my friends told me it was because of her looks and not her disposition that I was friends with her, but I knew the truth. I have never been attracted to someone because of their looks. It ranks very high for most people I know, but then attraction and love are not a physical attribute. I keep confusing and correcting myself...We are...no; I am single now, no more 'we'. It was such a relationship, not because it lasted so long but because I never valued anyone like that before. It was like a normal start off to our relationship. The long, late night calls, the bunking office for a movie. It seems like paradise now. But, as with any relationship, or a friendship, the initial phase is the most exciting. And when you are 23, it happens even faster. We worked around our office and we would always meet up at the nearby Cafe coffee day (CCD as our generation calls it). She would order her mocha or late, me an avid tea lover. It was the beauty of our likes. We had so many things we liked together, yet, we had enough differences to give that spunk, the spice for us to live on.

I can go on and on about how it seemed that we were meant to be together.At least I thought so.. But she...

It was a good 2 years into our relationship and we were discussing something non-consequential...politics. I said I would vote for someone who stood for some agenda I don't even remember anymore and she was against it. It was one of those arguments you have just for the sake of it, so you can enjoy talking to each other. But it was the moment that it struck me. Even though she had always been the diplomatic type, I thought it was for the consequence of a fight she didn't want to have. She was just that sweet. She would go along with my ideas, just so that we won't argue. It was then, that I realised that I want someone who is opinionated than someone like her. I want someone strong in my life, not a conformist. I still stand by that opinion. 

It was a good month, and well after her birthday that I finally confronted her about this. (I didn't want to be the ass who picked a fight, to dump his girlfriend right before her birthday.) All she said was that she would do anything to make me happy. Sounded good at the time, but I would rather be with a person than a foam cushion which adapts to my body size. And when I told her that, she didn't talk to me for a week. Normally I would take it to heart and do whatever I could to make it right by her, but this time, it didn't bother me and I went about my business as usual. Everyday that passed without us talking, I realised that she was just a part of my life and not THE LIFE that I thought she was. It was then that I decided that I should call it off. It was like a bomb for my family, as I am sure it was for her, as they were already planning our wedding in the winter. I told my sisters, and then my mom. I figured that my dad would automatically by informed. In the society that I belong to, father and son are not so comfortable about emotions and feelings. I believe it is true for most part of the world.

I had got her a place in the same locality as mine. Which, for the time we were together was always a plus. She could hangout at my place and stay even, if it got too late, and my parents are accommodating in that way. But once we stopped seeing each other, it was like a game. Every morning I would position my maid, to let me know if she was on her way, so that I could avoid meeting her eye on my way to work. She didn't make any such effort. Girls are strong in moving on I guess. 

What I learned from being in the relationship and in the one year since it ended...its that one can be reliant on a person and hope for the best. We try to measure up the person on some imaginative scale that we have for ourselves. The ideal person we see ourselves spending the life with. We plan things when we think we have met that person in our life. But Life can never be planned. It is the excitement of the unknown

And when you plan weeks and even a month in advance, its the best thing you can do. I ended up using the cake I ordered for my sister's birthday. She stood by my side and always would, no matter if I call her, wish her good morning everyday or not. "To the most important person in my life" said the card on the box, and my sister still thinks it was meant for her; even by default, she still is the most important person of my life.

Selfish Walk

On the onset, let me just mention that this is the first post of the  the Jaywalker, away from Lucknow. I am writing this from Agra. The second thing I must mention here is that I am writing this post after such a long break for two reasons: One, I was working in Agra for the last almost 20months & 2, while working, I never had the time, let alone energy to contemplate & write. Now for the actual post...

As I go about my daily routine of chores at home and work in office, I have a habit of noticing people around me, not just interact with them. Those who know me, and KNOW me well would be nodding here. Going about thus, I have developed a few theories on human behavior on my own. Now I don't know if these are standard theories of psychology or they  pertain to the paranormal plain that I have in my head but nevertheless, I have come to rely on them broadly in my daily routine. One such observation which has subsequently become a theory is people are selfish. Before you go all sarcastic on me on this trivial revelation, hear (read) me out.

All people are at the core, social people and as thus survive in a community consisting of our peers, acquaintances, friends & family. These social circles not just guide us in our daily behavior, they also keep us sane and secure in many ways. One effect of these circles is that people follow a code of morality & ethics which has been ingrained by the people around them; initially family then friends & peers and so on.. Our values keep changing much like our circles. But if given the right setting, the very people who are virtuous would actually act selfishly. Even when in normal circumstances they act selfish and we take their behavior as normal. Why is that? It is because of the ingrained animal selfishness that we all have subconsciously and use as a survival tool. Let me give you a corporate example: Any negotiation continues until both sides are satisfied that they got the best deal, true? In a bargain, how can both sides emerge winners? One must loose, right? Wrong. In an negotiation the perception of the parties matter and not the outcome. So long as they both perceive that they are gaining from the deal, it is signed, sealed and delivered without any hiccups. Where is the selfish angle to this you ask. Any deal that we make is for selfish reasons. The person pushing the deal forward stands to gain the business & quite possibly a handsome incentive for the closed deal. The person taking the deal stands to profit from the deal by taking and utilizing or selling the offered product. Thus, even though their could have been a better bargain price for the taker, or a higher price for the maker, both arrive at a common midway where both of them are loosing a part of the profit (in economic terms, some opportunity costs too) while still going ahead with the deal.

Let us take another example. In a family, people work out of love and not selfishly. But yet we see people doing selfish things. Here one can say that love itself is the most selfish emotion. We do something out of love because it makes us feel better. Thus, it is a selfish act, when we act because of love.

Through this roller coaster of arguments, you might have lost the point so let me put it forth again; We are selfish at the most basic & core level. Anyone who says he is not selfish is lying (he may be oblivious to the it). The best thing we can do is accept & endorse that we are selfish instead of continuously trying figure out ways around it.

Universal Brotherhood Day

It was a warm summer evening. The monsoon had been playing hide and seek and so far no one had been able to find it. The people were in place and they were waiting for the birthday boy. No, don't get me wrong, I am still talking about the Universal Brotherhood day celebrations at Lodge Star of Agra on 24th June, this year. It is just that one of the oldest and senior most member of our Lodge also celebrates his birthday on this auspicious day. Very Worshipful Brother, G.G. Mathur celebrates his birthday along with all the Freemasons in the world on Brotherhood day.

This year, when the Lodge is in its 128th year of holding its meetings, we are proud to have not a few but over half a doxen members who have been serving Lodge for over 25 years, with a couple of them being around for over 40years. We are also proud to have a few father-son members to the likes of W.Bro.S.B. Agarwal and Bro.Sumit Agarwal, V.W.Bro.H.R.Debara and W.Bro.P.H.Debara. In fact, V.W.Bro. Debara and W.Bro.P.H.Debara are 3rd and 4th generation Freemasons. In fact W.Bro. P.H.Debara was initiated as a Lewis at the age of 18 and is one of the youngest master in the Lodge Star of Agra's history. He is a devout mason, travelling the length of the country to attend regional and grand lodge meetings. He has a plethora of of knowledge on Freemasonry, both from first hand and also through his interaction during his travels as a Freemason. He was recently appointed the ARGM (Assistant Regional Grand Master) in the Northern Regional Grand Lodge, earning him the nick name from us as the PHD (his initials) in Freemasonry.

Overall, this Brotherhood Day celebrations were just like former years, with games for ladies and guests with the gents enjoying the casual conversations over drinks. The highlight of the evening, obviously, was V.W.Bro. G.G.Mathur cutting his birthday cake, thronged by his family and friends from the Lodge.

Jaywalking: Politically incorrect.

The Indian political scene is getting from bad to worse, to down right nasty. Achuttanand (forgive the spelling) was crucified for being pro-party (or was it anti party). Mayawati and congress, read Sonia Gandhi, are at loggerheads for a small pie of the most populous state.
Recently, the beaten down BJP has been quite and licking its wounds after being defeated in two elections, back to back. It is the BSP vs Congress battle that is taking center stage right now. CBI is ready to file the charge sheet against Mayawati for disproportionate assest case from 2003. Imagine that Maywati was not even the CM at the time. Now with the construction of a few thousand crores worth of parks, where would the real income of Ms Mayawati stand???
She is trying everything to make life tough for her political rivals, no wait, that is the UP Govt. without any political agenda. From lathicharging (baton charging) the peacful protestors in Amethi, to arresting the UP Congress chief, for commenting against women and communal harmony (she is woman, mind you). It is all holds barred in the political arena today.
As one of my friend says, "I would run for politics, but I would be killed or threatened to withdraw the next day" That is the problem today. There are people who want to make changes, and know how to bring them about. But the current crop of Leaders are relentless to allow anyone who is not their son, nephew, grandson, even grand nephew to take the lead and actually do something.
I don't like any particular party too much, but the move to get one of India Inc.'s honchos, out of Infosys and into the government's ambitious unique id project was really steal. It really signalled that this time the PM is in control and he wants a corporate approach to governance than the psuedo-socialist approach that left out the needy and helped the greedy.
If NREGS is to achieve its actual target, it should employ people to build roads and infrastructure to help develop the country, and not just have the landless farmers dig soil endlessly, just so that he does some work for the day's pay. Most people in the urban India don't even know that NREGS only asks the labours to dig soil, most of the time, to no constructive result.
We are being told is that inflation is negative. While I used to get pulses at an average of about Rs.45-50 in the beginging of the year, today the rates are almost touching 100 bucks. And they say that with the monsoon in its present state, don't expect it to get any cheaper soon. The dal-roti idom is dieing, forget about housing and clothing. If a person can't feed himself, how do you expect them to work to earn their meals, and living. Although India Inc. is happy and hiring again, but India Inc is only about 15% of the 1.25 billion people in this country.
Lastly, I must agree with Shekhar Kapoor (of Mr. India fame). We must do something soon or loose even Water, Gods gift to man, in a country that worships nature as God; God save us all.

River side!

There is this place in my heart that I long to be... There is this song in my mind that I long to hear...
I am talking about a place in Lucknow, even with my ignorance, I do not know the name of... some of my friends call it Marine Drive, I call it a getaway.
As you know, I have been in love with this city, and it is following up on my love for the city, that I am writing about one of my favourite places in Lucknow. I have been going to this place since I had a bike and was allowed to go out on my own.
I remember going out in the evening, on pretence of some work or the other, and sitting by the river side, watching the sun set, or the moon play hide n seek with the clouds, pondering over so many things...
I still go there often enough, with friends, just to catch up on the new and reminiscence over the 'good-old-days'. I remember taking my friends there, having some take away with us, having it there. The wind, the scene of a city coming to grips with its Nawabi past and the fast pace of the demanding world. It was my place to go and philosophise, or to vent my anger at people/ life in general.
Sometimes, I would go there, just because I missed the place. It is one place where I could go and not think of anything else in the world. That is the feeling I lacked anywhere else in the city/ or the country for that matter; having lived in atleast 3 cities in my small, significant life.
Today, when I go there, we reflect upon the changes in the city, and how nothing seems the same. I have heard so many people from out of town complain: "पहले आप नही पहले हम और सिर्फ़ हम" is the culture now. That is not my bother, as the traditionalist I am, I still practice that culture, and hope that people learn by example, if not by tradition.

The people who have lived in Lucknow would know what, and where I am talking about. The place in the recent past has beared the brunt of the state government's "development projects." Though, I am not complaining about the place, as it has grown from beautiful to marvelous in the last year. The polution from the stone polishing has put Lucknow on the Indian map as one of the top polluted cities. I can't complain, I still love the city, and the place.

Politcal Jaywalk

So far I have refrained myself from commenting on the current turmoil in the political arena but, I feel that every day the politicians are serving out more garbage than serving people. So, here I am with my first Jaywalk into politics. First of all, I would like to clarify that I am not pro-anyone. I am a liberal. With that out of the way, let me begin by saying that the politicians are doing what they do best - Mud Slinging.

Recent spate of politics in India, the largest democracy, and US, the erstwhile free country, has left us wondering WTF! In India, the shoe-gate was toned down, and the religious hate speech by the "other Gandhi" Varun made prime time news. As two widows from the same family fight it out to best their own sons' political carrier, the main agenda is left out in the summer sun, sweating. Let me point out a few things off the top of my mind:

1. Varun would make a better leader anyday than Rahul. Rahul is meticulous and divisive in his ways; agreed. But recent Varun saga puts him in a different league. He knows the pulse of the people more than Rahul does. For those who heard Rahul speak during the no-confidence motion in July last year, did he not remind you of a certain aged RSS champion from the opposition, Atal Bihari Vajpayee. It only goes to show that he is not at all ready to step out of his mother's shadow.

2. Sonia Gandhi uses the shadow of Manmohan Singh to do her work as the alternate PMO. What else would justify her choosing an a champion of reforms who has little to with politics even after 5 years as the PM than a first time MLA. Lets hope she would dare the right wing patriots to wear the crown herself; if she comes to power that is.

3. P.Chidambram, the home minister of our country had a Reebok hearld at him, or was it a Nike. The point is that it wasn't him to be blamed for the what CBI did. It was his predecessor if anyone was to be blamed for it. Still, I condemn what happened. The shoe was not thrown at a person, but at the Home Minister of India. It is the saddest thing to happen, and yet, somehow it is an expression of demcracy. The fact that he guy was let off without any charges is also commendable whereas the Bush shoer got convicted and is in prison.

4. If the leaders of today would stop playing regional politics and conentrate more on the economy, or development and upliftment of people. I mean, is there a single man made monument that they can boast of, built after independence? Mamta Banerjee made it about her personally to seige the Tata Motors plant in West Bengal. While states jumped at the project when it shut down, numerous other projects still hang in balance. Posco plant in Orissa, Dadri power project in UP are just 2 examples.

5. The world has great expectations from Obama, but am more skeptical of him than before he got elected. He is a new world president, but he is no better than some of our own politicians at turning around and going back on promises. Opening up Bush era torcher cases against the officials is just one thing on top of my mind. His approval rating is dropping like the Dow Jones did around his election. I think such a young leader of a country like the US is not right, where people start to live their life when they are 40, he still seems to have some way to go on world politics though.

6. I thought political mud slinging was getting too messy in India with even film stars getting their hands dirty until I read about the French President doing it to fellow world leaders. I don't know what kind of leverage he hopes to derive there, but it is in bad taste all the same.

I would write about more such futalities of politics, but I have to stick to my Indian Idealism too (pun unintended).
So go out and vote, and let me know how it turns out.

The Brotherhood of men

A lot has been written about Freemasonry and I am not going to write about explaining it in detail again. It does warrant a brief description though. It is a soceity, if you want to call it, of men who have the best intentions of spreading three basic principles of scoiety ever since it was founded by humans. Truth, Brotherly Love and Charity. Those are the only three founding principles that hold this fraternity together. If you want to know more about Freemasonry click here. I wanted to recount my expreiences as a mason.


I came to know about Freemasonry through an article I read about it in the newspaper and ever since then have been intrigued by it. I researched about it on the internet a lot as well. Then I came to know my uncle, who lives next door, is a memeber and when I joined the my first job, I asked him to refer me. That is how I came to know, learn and be a Free Mason.

When I first walked into a Freemason Lodge, it was a feeling of elation, a step on the mysterious side. The initiation was more ritualistic and an experience. Instead of just walking into the room and being welcomed with open arms, I was prepared mentally, and physically, to be a mason. But after I crossed the line, and since then, I have felt as much a part of the whole group as a decade old memeber. I never thought that Freemasons had such warmth in their hearts. I feeling that I had always echoed, and also why I felt that I belonged here. I was the youngest memeber and also the only bachelor there. (I remember getting an invite to a memebers' son's wedding which amicably said: "Mrs. & Mr. Jatin Mehrotra") Before I knew it, I was among people, a brother, with people of my grandfather's age and even older, listening, and even life experiences (telling dirty jokes at times too).

I knew what I was there for, and why I wanted to be there, but I also realieased that it wasn't just about the charity which is at the heart of our society. We do a lot of charity work; no doubts there. The other reason, and I might be inviting a little ire here, is that all men need their space. It is also probably one of the reason that Freemasonry has survived for so many centuries. Men need their own space too, period.

Freemasonry is not just a society, although it is often referred as one. In India, it is registered as a charitable trust. The membership of the Lodge always welcome people from all walks of life. Many American Presidents have been members, including the first. Indian kings, Nawabs and now SC Judges, industrialists and sportsmen. They have all been members. We never solicit membership, or ask any friends and family to join. A man must come of his own free will. Its like our notice board says - To be one, Ask one.
I have an incident to recount for every meeting that I have attended, wether in Agra, or anywhere else. That would be in later posts. For now, it would be sufficient to say that it is a different world to be on the other side, and it is an experience different from all other.

Nostalgia!

All of us enter the college to make it big in life. That is to say, to have a degree, a label, and a job to make a career. We don't give much thought to finding new friends, except new boy/girlfriends for perhaps. It was with a similar feel that I entered my college. Although I had applied for a few colleges for graduation, but the one I ended up at was the one I knew from day one, it was going to be a habit.
I did make some very good friends in grads, but every year my core group seemed to change. For the first year it was just 4 guys. The second year it was 4 different guys and 4 girls. The final year saw yet another 3 guys and 2 girls. Today, I am in touch with just 2 people, one of them is my business partner, the other is a very good friend, who looked me up on a social networking sites(and to think I used to curse them) after 4 yrs. of college.
From grads. to PG, there was not a single common friend who joined me, though I did carry a relationship forward with one of my professors. She was a part-time lecturer at the time in my new college and we used to debate about the faculty in the new college. It was a precarious situation where I was gossiping about my teachers, with my teacher.
I still have friends that I made in my second college, and I hold them so close to my heart today. Some have withered into memories, some are still on my FB/Orkut friends list. But it is not the same. In college you'd know about the birthdays in the morning of the day. Today, Orkut alerts you 15days in advance. Thats technology for you. Even though you may not know what is happening in your collegues' life, you still wish send him a scrap wishing him happy birthday.
Those treats at the cafeteria have also vanished, or perhaps morphed into fancy luncheons in restaurants. The cake is ordered, not homemade. And so is life.
We so want to be back in college but we never would be the same person if it weren't for those very days. Personally, I am nostalgic about those moments, but I wouldn't give them up or go back and relive them. They are best left untouched, and unscathed for eternity.

Jaywalking

I have been wondering what to write about lately, with so many ideas coming to me in the past few days. Then I thought that maybe I should just start and discover where the chain of thoughts takes me. I often find myself just walking around the house, thinking. Not just anything specific, but just like that.
To me, most of my ideas come while I am walking. I often walk to the market with no reason, just looking at people, shopping, street vendors trying to peddle me stuff. But I hardly even hear a word, much less if someone were to call me from across the street. It is my way of mulling over things. I disconnect from my body and venture into a different plane, where I am alone, gliding on the ice of my thoughts, with bare feet. I slide and shift from one foot to another just like my thoughts. During my stint in Delhi, the walk from the office and to my room was as long too, but I never could be disconnected as I can in Lucknow. There, I had to be on my feet, being part of the crowd, and scared to be a target of some insusceptible pick-pocket. But back in Lucknow, I can be alone with my thoughts again. It has embraced me like its lover, welcoming me back.
Some people think over a cup of coffee, some over the newspaper. I have heard people thinking in the toilet as well, but I fail to understand the ideas that they must be getting in there.
Although I have been taking my walks for many years, it is not to say that I have not faced its perils as well. What perils, you may ask, can come from a walk. Well, I was hit by a biker and woke up in the hospital feeling a little woozy and a few teeth lighter. Since then, my sub conscious mind has undergone several rounds of training, not to mention stricter regulation as well. Today, I walk more on the terrace, or the courtyard, and I still fail to understand how the recommended 15 minutes of walk can be avoided by anyone during the day.
I still sometimes take the risks while crossing the street, and often so in life. Just one thing keeping me sane, the fact that I guess keeps all of us sane and going as well, at least in India. That we all live for someone else, and not just selfishly for just ourselves.
Just a thought!

Uniquely Lucknow

Every one loves the city they are born and brought up in, and it is more than true for me. It has inspired the title for the blog as well. One of the many things I love is Ganjing. For those of you who just got confused, Hazratganj is the main market in Lucknow. Situated in the heart of Lucknow offering buyers of all classes something to take away and flaunt it as "Ganj" buy. Yes, Ganj is the pet name for it, and even though I have heard the name ganjing since childhood, I never quite understood the phoenomenon.

I remember it was in my college days that we started to hang out at Barista, going through Love Lane. I didn't even realise that we were Ganjing until my mom asked me where I was going, and when I answered, she said, "Oh, Ganjing!" I could only manage a smile as I was going to meet a girl friend, and although it was nothing special, but still I had the guilty look on my face.

I still remember hogging paani batashas in a dozen flavours at Love lane. The name Love Lane also has an interesting story behind it. Apparantely, it was the hot spot for a generation gone by as well. There was this norm that girls would walk on one side of the lane and the guys on the other. No comments were passed or any misbehaviour, just a quite glance. If you wanted to meet someone, you waited for her to come around and maybe talked to her. I can't imagine a better social setup even today. But it won't work anymore today. Even though I am still skeptical of the reality behind it, it is still a wonderful idea.

Then there is Janpath, the vibrant part of Ganj. A walk alone gives you an idea of the latest fashion trends and accessories in town. Although it is one of the most expensive places to shop, it does have some of the cheap places as well. You can get used novels and books at a discounted price. The eatery on top of the basement is a good place to hangout as well but I can't say the same about its food. For the food, you need to head to Royal Cafe Moti Mahal. Royal cafe chaat corner is quite famous and I have had friends and relatives asking for its famous basket chaat. We used to go to Modern Book Stall to fetch ET for dad. It is still the place I head for cards and magazines.

Universal book sellers has something to offer everyone. I remember how we used to get all excited about our new school books just so we could go there and shop for them. Didi used to bring us along to get her novels at Janpath and the addition ice cream treat at Chedilal.

At the other end of the strip is Halwasia. We'd shop for uniforms there at Malik uncles' shop. Even today you get some great T-shirts at the shops there.

Today, I go to Ganj to shop only, to Janpath for a gift, and to Halwasia for a visit to the bank. We still do hang out at Barista though. The coffee is still the same but the faces that make it have changed. While walking down Love lane today, I saw the same old faces, trying to sell the same "New" stuff. The shoppers have changed. It was like the people were not from Lucknow. I remember not a single visit to Ganj went by when we didn't see someone we knew. Even my friend from school who runs a shop in Janpath was not at the shop. I felt so scared, change always is, but it is also necessary.

It was ineviteable I guess; Lucknow is moving towards the mall culture. But I know this as well, for anyone who has grown up in Lucknow, ganjing is something uniquely Lucknow and will remain so for the time to come.

Indian Idealism

I have been writing about varied topics but mostly it has been about what I see around town, the weather and the places. But I thought I should also write about what I observe among the people all around me. I have been posting pictures that I clicked myself with all my posts, but I have no picture for this idea as a behaviour can be only observed.
In India, wherever you go, you hear a common voice. Something must be done, this must be done, that must be done. No one ever seems to know what and how to do it. This is why we place great emphasis on our archaic system. The system would take care of fixing things. We fail to realise that the system if the system would have worked then we wouldn't be complaining. The idealism is ingrained in each one of us since childhood. You should learn to 'adjust.' We don't know most of our laws, which are mostly sufficient if implemented properly, and still want to get ahead in the line just by greasing up the system. It is something that I simply fail to understand. People don't want women to go to pubs and drink but want equality for them. Why you may ask; because it is not the ideal thing to do. We shout culture when we find something changing in our lives and yet fail to keep in mind that Khajurao and Kamasutra is as much our legacy as Aryabhatt and Raman. I guess we are all patients of convenient amnesia. We are ready to watch beauty contests and pay for porn, but we would not send our daughter to join a beauty contest; "She needs to learn cooking." I mean come on, wake up and smell the pasta.
We are living in an era where it doesn't matter who you are, you can have what you aspire to be. But no one wants to come into politics and clean it up. It is still hard to make people do things, take responsibility. I remember long ques at polling stations when I would go with my as a kid. Last election I voted there hardly 20 odd people in all the booths at the station. People used to love exercising their franchise of freedom. But today, we have accepted our condition and are happy with the status-quo. I don't understand why and how can people curse the government and our leaders when we allow incompetent people who can't even write their own names to lead us. I am not saying that all our leaders are pathetic, or education is necessary. But I don't believe that an educated man is inconsiderate.
Contrary to this, people in other countries don't adjust. But Idealism I am talking about is much smaller and thus more; the sum of parts makes it larger. We say the right things just because it is the right thing, the I-Deal thing to say. Not because we believe in it, it is what suits us, what allows us to spend our small lives insignificantly. "घर छोटे हैं इसलिए दिल बड़े होने का दावा करते हैं." The line is from a recent movie. Although the storytelling was not up to the mark, but the idea was right. We easily shift sides as per convenience. We may not get ahead but we are jealous of our friends who do. We would not say it, but we are, because it is not the right thing to do। At least our foreign counterparts accept their emotions and express them too. But you shouldn't say things that your friends don't want to hear, it is not right.
I think we need one more reality show to find out who is the most IDEAL person i.e. Indian Ideal! Mind you it might end up looking for the perfect person instead of the Idealism I am talking about here. Mainly because it is not the Ideal thing to do.
(Overheard at the corner tea stall)

Weather Games!

It was another perfect 'Spring Summer' day as I got up this morning. I was reluctant to get the A.C. fixed in my car as I drove around town, sweating like a pig, in traffic. Even until evening the sun god was unrelenting. But around 5 it suddenly turned dark. The dust, the wind and the clouds, all seemed to have been hiding behind the trees as pounced on the city like a predator. Within minutes it was dark as the night. According to reports, winds upto 50kmph were reported. Then it started to rain, and some hail as well.

A welcome break from the hot weather, but still catching people unaware. Those who thought they would rush off to an early weekend were lashed first with the dust then the rain. Anyone waiting at home would have wondered what happenedt to them as in another few minutes, it cleared up and the clouds parted and the sun, which was almost setting, was back. At night there was a clear sky as well. And now, even as it is almost morning that I am writing this post, the clouds are thundering again, setting a tone for the good weather for the weekend. So, those of you wanted to start the early rush to the water parks this year, please check your itinerary again and go for Aloo Chat, it is a great comic relief, just like the weather.